crazy people dealing with the wild

jp has recently gotten me hooked on this discovery channel show 'everest: beyond the limit'. it's on tuesdays and unfortunately ended last night. the show is about, unsurprisingly, climbing mt. everest. it's the story of a specific expedition and all the craziness that ensues when you try to send 10 people to the top of the highest mountain in the world. last night's episode was fairly sad for a couple of reasons.
1) on the way back down from the summit, one of the climbers encountered a man who was dying, just laying in the snow. in order to rescue him, it would've taken 20 well-rested men to get up there and get him back down. they didn't have the men, and they had to leave him there. once the media caught wind of this, the expedition was criticized for not "doing more" to save this guy. ok, let's analyze this. it's physically impossible for them to rescue him. all of them could have tried and would have died. you can't just strap a 200lb man to your back and wander on down the mountain. you're talking about a place where you are hanging onto ice cliffs with your pointy shoes and you can't breathe without bottled oxygen. you also can't feel your hands or feet. now, from the warm comfort of my office, i could criticize all i wanted about them not rescuing this guy. however, there are bodies all over the mountain on the way up to the summit. intense, huh? people die trying to climb this mountain. you have to be prepared, careful, and lucky to make it up to the top. personally, i think it's crazy to risk life and limb (quite literally limbs - i'll talk about it below) to climb a mountain. but that's what these people do. and they know it from the start. don't get me wrong, i think it's awful that this guy died. they told a story of someone who died near the summit. the next summer, his family sent a team to rescue the body. after moving the body 500 yards in 9 HOURS, they gave up.
2) the other reason last night's episode was sad was the frostbite. on the expedition, there was a double amputee who had lost both legs from the knee down due to frostbite (from climbing everest last time). he was the first double amputee to make it to the summit. (i just have to stop and let you think about that one. after losing my limbs in some way, i would not try to repeat the experience just to be the first double amputee to do it. i mean, you don't have to sit home and cry, but my god. don't try to climb mt. everest again!) has anyone ever seen frostbitten toes/fingers? they are gross. blackened flesh. looks like it's about to fall off. people were ok for the most part, except for the one guy who lost a part of every finger and toe. damn.
after 'beyond the limit' is a show called 'man vs. wild' that i've watched a couple episodes of. this guy named bear puts himself in really crappy situations and shows you how to get out of them. last night, he parachuted into the savannah of kenya and showed me how to survive. here's what i learned:
1) if you see elephants, stay away from them. they will trample you to death.
2) if you see rhinos, stay away from them. they will gore and trample you to death.
3) if you see puff adders, stay away from them. they have the fastest strike of any snake.
4) if you see hippos, stay away from them. they will bite you to death.
5) if you see leopards, stay away from them. no details of the death were given.
6) if you see lions, stay away from them. no details of the death were given.
7) if you find water but it's stagnant and there's a dead tortoise floating in it, don't drink it. find other water.
8) if you find dead animals, check them out before you eat them raw (ew!). no maggots? good! vultures eating it? also good! does it smell bad? if not, feel free to rip parts off and munch.
9) if you find salt flats, eat some salt. it replaces electrolytes. also, rub it into your wounds.
10) try to have fun while fighting for your life across the african savannah.
all in all, a very helpful show. who's up for going to kenya? i also figured with a little bit of training, i would make a summit attempt for everest next year. you think walking a couple days a week will get me in shape?