why doesn't god want me to own a canadian?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

my kids would rather not eat

the other day as jp and i were walking to the bus stop on 5th, we were stopped by someone asking for change. she told me she needed money to feed her kids that night. i rifled through my bag and my pockets, but turned up no money. jp was on the phone and about 15 feet away at this point and i yelled to him for change. he had nothing. so i asked the woman if she knew where the jubilee soup kitchen was on 5th. she told me that her kids didn't like the food there, and that they wouldn't eat it. she walked away pissed.
sorry i couldn't be more helpful lady.
by the way, i think it might have been the forever pregnant lady from oakland. anyone else remember her? she never got any more pregnant over the 5 years i was at pitt....strange.

gotta love the arrogance.

crazy people dealing with the wild

jp has recently gotten me hooked on this discovery channel show 'everest: beyond the limit'. it's on tuesdays and unfortunately ended last night. the show is about, unsurprisingly, climbing mt. everest. it's the story of a specific expedition and all the craziness that ensues when you try to send 10 people to the top of the highest mountain in the world. last night's episode was fairly sad for a couple of reasons.
1) on the way back down from the summit, one of the climbers encountered a man who was dying, just laying in the snow. in order to rescue him, it would've taken 20 well-rested men to get up there and get him back down. they didn't have the men, and they had to leave him there. once the media caught wind of this, the expedition was criticized for not "doing more" to save this guy. ok, let's analyze this. it's physically impossible for them to rescue him. all of them could have tried and would have died. you can't just strap a 200lb man to your back and wander on down the mountain. you're talking about a place where you are hanging onto ice cliffs with your pointy shoes and you can't breathe without bottled oxygen. you also can't feel your hands or feet. now, from the warm comfort of my office, i could criticize all i wanted about them not rescuing this guy. however, there are bodies all over the mountain on the way up to the summit. intense, huh? people die trying to climb this mountain. you have to be prepared, careful, and lucky to make it up to the top. personally, i think it's crazy to risk life and limb (quite literally limbs - i'll talk about it below) to climb a mountain. but that's what these people do. and they know it from the start. don't get me wrong, i think it's awful that this guy died. they told a story of someone who died near the summit. the next summer, his family sent a team to rescue the body. after moving the body 500 yards in 9 HOURS, they gave up.
2) the other reason last night's episode was sad was the frostbite. on the expedition, there was a double amputee who had lost both legs from the knee down due to frostbite (from climbing everest last time). he was the first double amputee to make it to the summit. (i just have to stop and let you think about that one. after losing my limbs in some way, i would not try to repeat the experience just to be the first double amputee to do it. i mean, you don't have to sit home and cry, but my god. don't try to climb mt. everest again!) has anyone ever seen frostbitten toes/fingers? they are gross. blackened flesh. looks like it's about to fall off. people were ok for the most part, except for the one guy who lost a part of every finger and toe. damn.
after 'beyond the limit' is a show called 'man vs. wild' that i've watched a couple episodes of. this guy named bear puts himself in really crappy situations and shows you how to get out of them. last night, he parachuted into the savannah of kenya and showed me how to survive. here's what i learned:
1) if you see elephants, stay away from them. they will trample you to death.
2) if you see rhinos, stay away from them. they will gore and trample you to death.
3) if you see puff adders, stay away from them. they have the fastest strike of any snake.
4) if you see hippos, stay away from them. they will bite you to death.
5) if you see leopards, stay away from them. no details of the death were given.
6) if you see lions, stay away from them. no details of the death were given.
7) if you find water but it's stagnant and there's a dead tortoise floating in it, don't drink it. find other water.
8) if you find dead animals, check them out before you eat them raw (ew!). no maggots? good! vultures eating it? also good! does it smell bad? if not, feel free to rip parts off and munch.
9) if you find salt flats, eat some salt. it replaces electrolytes. also, rub it into your wounds.
10) try to have fun while fighting for your life across the african savannah.
all in all, a very helpful show. who's up for going to kenya? i also figured with a little bit of training, i would make a summit attempt for everest next year. you think walking a couple days a week will get me in shape?

true love...

after repeatedly ramming her car, girlfriend tries to sneak pot to him in jail.
now that's a love story for the holidays.

customer service complaints

woman complains to cop someone sold her 'bad crack'.

being grateful for not having children

while this is a thought that i may have fairly often, for many different reasons, i was incredibly happy to have a virtually zero responsibility life on saturday. it was will's birthday, and i think things went swimmingly. i had a great day, and it seemed very will-oriented. to recap:

part 1
jp and i wake up a touch early to go to eatnpark for breakfast with will and shan. we give will his birthday presents (a specially designed razor for your head and some crazy mentholated head shaving cream)(no, really, will really likes shaving products. it's a much cooler gift than you think!). eat breakfast. the boys leave to go to their respective homes and shan and i proceed to kmart for some of the last things needed for christmas. i find exactly what i needed - which was in the vague category of 'something for my father-in-law' - and it's perfect! yay. i also buy the cats presents because i've started feeling guilty that i didn't get them anything ever since shannon told me they bought them christmas presents. and connor gets a present too. we go to check out and end up trapped because all sorts of people are blocking the aisles. one woman could back up about a foot and we could then get through. we look at her and she says (in the happy spirit of the holidays), "i don't know how you thought you were going to get through here." and goes back to looking at jewelry. wtf? how can you possibly be such an asshole? shannon and i just sat there stunned for a moment, before politely asking someone not her to move. that woman did so immediately and apologetically. what a difference it makes if you're NOT A BIG JERK. we leave kmart without much more fanfare.

part 2
will loves pool. our plan was to take him somewhere to shoot pool. however, we wanted to go to shootz (in the south side) and it costs $12.75/hour to shoot there after 5. so we went at 3. i get dropped off in the south side works, buy the absolutely last present i need, and go meet them. yay pool! except they have full size tables, which means i suck. such is life. so we munch on appetizers and drink drinks and play pool. brian and jp join us, so now it's will, shan, steph (will's newly 21 younger sister), brian, jp, and me. we stop playing pool and eat dinner. exit shootz, go to logan's.

part 3
ahhh, logan's. darts, bar size pool table, and i know 90% of the people who work there. except we show up and there is no one i know. some guy tries to convince will to play pool for money, which he refuses to do, especially since he just paid for the game for the two of them. later on, the same guy tries to have jp play chess with him, and even later than that, he's forcibly ejected from the bar because he's a big jackass.
so we hang out, drink, are joined by more people, drink more, hang out more. all in all a good time.

part 4
we decide to leave logan's to go play apples2apples at will and shan's. but brian has unfortunately taken it out of his car, so we have to go pick it up from my apartment. on our way to will and shan's, leeann needs cigarettes, so we stop at cogo's. i decide that will needs a cake. so i buy the closest thing to a cake that they have - suzy Q's. we interact with the creepy checkout guy and leave. when we get to will and shan's, there are no birthday candles. however, there are lighters! so i stick my lighter in a suzy-Q, hold it lit, and make him blow it out while singing 'happy birthday' (the rights of which are owned by the Linguistic Society of America). we play apples2apples and giggle a lot. brian drives me home (thank you!) and i collapse into sleep almost immediately.

yay for long, fun days.

'tis the week before christmas and all through freya's life, everyone wants to hang, and jp bakes with his wife....

ok, how is it that i have nothing to do for weeks, months at a time and then am suddenly overrun with plans/requests for plans/cleaning/baking/wrapping agendas? in the past week, 3 people whom i haven't seen in at least a month or two asked me to hang out sometime this week. i've had this week's plans since the end of november and i can't possibly squeeze it all in.
the irony of it all is that i could've been done doing what i need to do this week weeks ago. but it sucks to get christmas done early and then have nothing to do for a week or two! so i planned this week to be wrapping/baking week. only, i made a small mistake. i intend on giving away cookies to some of my coworkers for christmas. jp's last final is on wednesday, my last day of work is thursday. so i decided that jp and i could reconnect over christmas baking on wednesday, thursday, and friday. i'm envisioning flour fights, shmearing of icing on noses, and happy kittens dancing at our feet (or more likely, dancing on the counter (if you plan on eating our cookies, please ignore that last statement)). doesn't that sound joyous and cliched? and don't forget sting singing 'i saw three ships' in the background. i've been looking forward to this plan since i came up with it, shortly after thanksgiving.
ok stop. does anyone else realize where i went wrong?
well, if not, i'll point it out to you. MY LAST DAY OF WORK IS THURSDAY. i'm giving these cookies away on thursday. this leaves wednesday to bake with jp. grrrrrr.
so yeah, we'll get it done. i hope. i've never made 7 different kinds of cookies in one night before. luckily, several of the doughs can be made ahead of time, saving me some aggravation. but this means no flour fights!
i'll have to be content with icing schmearing.

i just love witty tshirts...

and here's a whole site of them! i think my fave is the shakespeare one - "prose before hos". although, the one with the crossing guard that says "volunteering. it doesn't pay." is also pretty good...
check it out for yourself!

best of craig's list, 2006

warning: i laughed out loud in my office while reading some of these.

best of

if you only have time to read one, go for 'engineer robson'. i was CRYING with laughter. it still makes me giggle if i think about it.

so, what's your sign? you crash here often?

my car karma, explained

i'm a libra.

i heart joss!

Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)

Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 85% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 80% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 80% Inara Serra (Companion) 65% Wash (Ship Pilot) 65% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 65% River (Stowaway) 60% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 35% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 15% Alliance 10% A Reaver (Cannibal) 0%

Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.

Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test

construction is a part of life

construction cannot be avoided. considering most of the interstates were built 50 years ago or more, they're bound to need repairs. anyone who's driven on the turnpike or 80 during the summer understands this pain. anyone who's ever been on any part of 22 any part of the year gets it too. it's obnoxious, it slows you down, and it's just plain boring to sit in. however, there is something worse. something far more sinister that is much rarer than road construction. that would be remodeling in the same building that you live.
in barcelona, most buildings are not well insulated. it doesn't get very cold there, so there's no reason for it to be. however, this causes problems as far as noise assimilation is concerned. see, the other problem is that all big apartment buildings have a giant hole in the middle of them. everyone has access to this semi-open space with a little porch, and it's where you hang your laundry since they haven't yet introduced the technology of dryers there. at least in most homes. aside from what this does to clothing that you want to shrink back after wearing (can we say saggy ass jeans and loose fitting wifebeaters?), this open space further amplifies the problem of noise. 3 out of the 4 bedrooms had windows that only faced out into this corridor. these windows had no sort of weather stripping or anything remotely insulating, which meant that you could hear much of what went on in everyone else's apartment. i could hear (and smell) my neighbor upstairs making breakfast. like, the sizzling of eggs.
anyway, right before finals started for my last semester there, they started remodeling the apartment below and across the way from us. if you think it's annoying to hear the sizzling of eggs at 7:30am on a saturday morning, imagine what it's like to hear power tools. starting then, and lasting ALL DAY LONG. while you're trying to study for finals. which, by the way, are your only grades for these classes. we were also sprayed with construction dust, and lemme tell you: construction dust + wet clean clothes = disaster. not to mention that our kitchen was covered with a fine layer of orange dust.
so, fast forward about 3 1/2 years. jp is going to law school. law school is like europe, in that you get one grade, each semester, for one test that you take at the end. but no pressure.
now imagine this: it's finals week (which is actually 2 weeks for law students) and you need to study. all day long. for 10 days straight. late into the night. (yuck, right?)
ok, just to make things more interesting. let's imagine you live in a well-insulated american apartment building. sure, you can occasionallly hear the chick downstairs singing some really awful r&b, but it's not too too bad. until the remodeling starts. constant pounding, power tool noise, and occasional "you fucking idiot!" coming from above. starting at 8am.
i believe it states in our lease that we're not allowed to make excessive noise from 10pm to 9am. yet, power tools? gimme a break. and poor jp. the earplugs do little to mask the noise...

update: jp has just informed me that he is on campus because due to the remodeling, we have no electricity.

excuse me, i have a nasty letter to write.

tell me what you think...

i found a really lame blog that had the same template as me. so i had to change. do we like the change? do tell.

make santa do weird things

simon sez santa

lost in translation...

below is the text from an email i received from one of my translators. this is hilarious! she obviously did some research to find out about the word. i'm sure it's not supposed to be that, but who knows? i just told her to change it to 'fire'.

"I would like to confirm the word "firl" in row 6393. (dte/605)

Is that the correct spelling?

This word is used on forums to describe who certain pornstars are, often with bad quality screen grabs and/or poor spelling/grammar. I think it is not suitable with the context."

i think it is not either.

words cannot describe...

how much i want all of these socks. they are amazing, especially the over-the-knee collection. you have to check it out!

sock dreams

worst morning ever, thanks to tweedledum and tweedledee!

so this morning, i somehow manage to snooze my alarm into not ringing ever again (or i turned it off in my sleep). i wake with a start at 9. dammit! jump out of bed to the noise of the pounding and hammering upstairs. they're ripping down a wall or just breaking things, or both. hear someone yelling about what incompetent idiots they are. whatever, fine. go to the bathroom, am attired for my shower (which is to say, not at all) and turn on the shower. wait for a moment for the water temp to even out. am about to step into it when it stops. just no more. try the sink, same thing. they turned off my goddamn water.
so i'm pissed. no shower, no brushing my teeth, and no coffee. are you kidding me? i storm into the bedroom and yell about it to jp. he wanders out to the kitchen and then they start banging on our door. i'm wearing a bra and socks at the moment, and jp is wearing boxers and a tshirt. he decides to put on pants before answering the door (which i think is generally a good plan). we keep yelling "hang on!" but they keep pounding and i can hear the chain lock strain as they open the door anyways. um, ok. so i throw on my robe and run out to the living room yelling "hang on!" yet again. they have the door open as much as the chain lock allows and so i close it, undo the chain, and reopen the door. they look at me in my robe, totally pissed off by everything that's happened in the 3 minutes that i've been awake, and we have this interaction:
tweedledum: "uhhhh...there was an accident upstairs and we had to turn off your water." [the yelling remark about incompetent idiots comes back to me. it is obviously the fault of these two]
me (pissed): "i know. i was just about to shower."
tweedledee: "yeah, sorry. we have to check your kitchen cabinets to make sure there aren't any leaks."
me: "fine, come in."

i storm off to go finish getting dressed and i turn around right before i hit the hallway. my front door is wide open. tweedledum walked in, i'm in my robe, and he leaves the front door open behind him? sirius is making a beeline for the lobby. so i yell "hey, i have cats!!" and tweedledum stupidly turns around and tells tweedledee to shut the door. except tweedledee isn't there, so i go shut the door myself. slam it, in fact

are you freakin kidding me? you're stupid enough to bust up some pipe and have to turn off the water for an entire building AND you can't close a door behind you while there's someone in a robe in the apartment???

before you think i'm a giant bitch towards maintenance men in general, i want to tell you about the last guy that came over to repair something. two maintenance men knocked on our door, and told me they had to bleed all of our radiators. i got all excited and asked them if this meant it would be warmer and he said yes. i think i jumped up and down (it had been cold for several days in our place). i had just made cookies, so i asked him if he wanted some, and gave him homemade cookies. he was super professional, asked us if it was ok for him to go into rooms that we weren't in and thanked me profusely for the cookies.
that's how i treat competent professionals. tweedledum and tweedledee were not in any way competent or professional.
grrrrr, i say. grrrrr.

the incompetence of sears...

after my flat tire disaster at walmart, i thought that the worst was over. last time i got a flat, all i had to do was go to sears, pay them a decent amount of money ($175, but that included an alignment), and they put on a new tire. voila! and only about an hour of my time, even on a very busy saturday afternoon. so i go sears on wednesday expecting the same. show up at the auto center and they're not busy, but there's not many employees either. so i wait about 5 minutes for someone to come help me. i give the guy the scrap of paper on which i have written anything i found printed on my tire and he goes to the computer and punches stuff in. tells me he has 1 left. sweet! that's all i need. so he tells me to wait while he goes to physically locate it. he leaves, comes back a few minutes later, and tells me they don't actually have it. AND that it's discontinued. he proceeds to tell me that he has nothing that will fit my car. i ask him what i'm supposed to do and our conversation goes something like this:

me: "if it's discontinued, there's got to be another tire for my car, right? i mean, not this exact one, but something that'll fit my car?"
him: "no. there's not."
me (in disbelief): "then what exactly am i supposed to do? can i replace all 4 tires with something else?"
him: "no. there aren't any tires that fit your car."
me: "ok...so what are my options?"
him: "well, you could go to pep boys. it's right across the street."
me (disgruntled): "ok. thanks."

and all i'm thinking is, what if pep boys doesn't have my discontinued tire? am i doomed to drive on a donut for the rest of my car's life??
so i go to pep boys. go through the same first part of my sears experience, until the guy suggests they special order a tire and overnight it. now, i've overnighted things before. like my car title. it's a small piece of paper, and it cost $25. how much does overnighting a tire cost??
so our conversation went like this:

me: "so i can overnight it, but then if i ever need to replace a tire again, what do i do?"
him: "special order it."
me: "well, is it always going to be available for special order, do you think?"
him: "i doubt it. this tire size was only made for 2003 mazda protege 5s."
me: "are you kidding? why would they do that?"
him: "i don't know."
me: "well, can i put 4 tires of the same size but different than what's on there now?"
him: "yeah. and the other size that would fit your car is the most common tire out there. but they're $90/tire. plus the labor."
me: "is there anything else you can think of that i can do?"
him: "you can take it to the only mazda dealership in the area, which is in greensburg."
me: "just put the 4 tires on it. can you change my headlight too, while you're at it?"
him: "sure. just sign here that we're going to charge you $482 and that we can do it. it'll take about an hour."

so i leave and wander across the parking lot to circuit city. call jp on the way, tell him the whole thing. call my parents to complain. my father flips out. anytime i do anything to my car without him or another middle-aged male around, he assumes i'm being ripped off. decides to call pep boys himself and yell at them. i go into circuit city, where there are 2 steelers i've never heard of signing autographs. i avoid that to talk to my friend brandon for awhile. my dad calls back, all calm-like.

dad: "so, after talking to the guy at pep boys, i really think the best thing to do is just to replace all 4 of the tires. you don't want to have to go through the hassle of having to special order tires every time you need to replace them, and besides, they're probably just going to stop making them all together. so i told the guys at pep boys to just go ahead and do it."

huh. good idea. i wonder why i didn't think of that? but he does tell me that they're going to help us pay for it, which is nice and totally unexpected.
so fine, wander around circuit city all pissed off that i'm about to spend $500 on tires. not a new leather jacket, not a wii for jp, not a trip to boston, but tires. who gives a shit about tires?? i think that the entire store of circuit city must've thought i was a shoplifter. i was bored after 10 min there and was wandering around looking at nothing, with my hands in my tech-vest pockets. leave circuit city after an hour and wander back to pep boys. go through the door, head towards steering wheel covers, and am waylaid by the guy who checked me in. he asks me where my wheel key is. i'm appalled, for several reasons: 1) it's been an hour, and apparently, the tires aren't even off my car yet 2) they have my goddamn phone number and never thought to call me to ask about the wheel key??
we wander out into the shop part so i can give him the key. my car is up on the thing, with all 4 tires off. ok...how'd you do that without the wheel key? but whatever, i reach into the compartment with the wheel key and come up with nothing. because it's not there. they've taken it out and obviously, used it to remove the tires. joe brilliant here is just confused. so he tells me it'll be a little while longer and i go sit on a tire display and read the dark tower. after about 15 min of this, he comes back and tells me he wants to show me something. leads me underneath my car and shows me that there is a big "metal arm" (what he calls it) that is severely bent. and rubbing against the tire/wheel. tells me they have to bend it back, otherwise it's probably going to cause this other tire to pop. great. fine, bend it. and then they tell me i have no brake lights. so fine, replace those too. grrrrrrrrrr.
the best part of all this is that i left work, sat on the bus, jp picked me up at the bus stop, and i dropped him off and immediately left for sears. that was at 6p. it's now 8:45, and i am annoyed, starving, and i haven't been home yet. AND i'm missing the season finale of 'america's next top model'. just to add insult to injury.
my car is eventually finished and i go drive through wendy's for dinner. i'm slightly comforted by my frosty and fries. but mostly disgusted by the fast food part. yuck.

best and worst days...

so leeann and i had great/crappy days on monday. we both had good work days...i got everything done that i needed to. and then some. plus, i actually cleaned my bedroom on sunday night! it was the first time this had been done since we moved into the place (in july!) so it was pretty rewarding and totally overdue. monday i still had a cleaning high from it. it's just wonderful to walk into your private space and have it be relaxing. messiness can be extremely stressful!
anyways, leeann and i had plans to go to walmart. i needed hangers and cookie cutters and she needed christmas stuff. so off we go to the waterworks...
on the way there, she tells me her identity has been stolen. so of course this involves talking to your bank (yuck) a whole lot and filling out forms and lots of aggravation. booooo!
now, walmart around christmas time SUCKS. actually, walmart sucks in general. unfortunately, there is nowhere else near us to buy cookie cutters and hangers. so it's off to walmart we go.
of course, we pick the day where it's 25 degrees outside, so we have tons of layers on and decide to get a cart to handle it and the other stuff that we will invariably "need". carts make things difficult. especially in narrow aisles with stupid people with carts. but we get through it and get in line.
wait wait wait. the cashier is trying to deal with a gift card that won't scan. no one will help her and whatever help she called for over the intercom isn't showing up. booo. we finally check out.
get in the car, arrange all the bags in the trunk. on the way to walmart, i thought i heard a weird sound coming from my back driver's side wheel. i checked it when we got there and nothing seemed out of place. i start driving now and it's obvious that i have a flat. pull over into a parking spot. look at the tire. it is completely the wrong shape. there are 2 places in which it is curved inward. that's no good.
call jp, except he doesn't have a car to come rescue me. ask him to call someone to help me while i start the process. get out the jack, the lug wrench, the lug key, the donut. start to jack up the car and my father-in-law calls. i tell him i don't think i need help, but i'm not sure if what i've attached the jack to is actually my axle. he tells me he'll be right there.
while changing a tire in the middle of foot traffic, people are bound to stop and talk to you. the first woman who did told me to go buy 'fix a flat' and then drive to a gas station. why? so i can put the donut on there?? no offers of help, even from the burly teenager with them. he does confirm that i have the jack in the right position, however.
jack up the car. get lug wrench out and realize rather quickly that i am not strong enough to undo the machine tightening of lug nuts. luckily, someone stops and asks if we need help. i ask him if he could please loosen the lug nuts, i can do the rest. so he does, and it takes a lot of effort. i'm infinitely grateful for his help. he suggests i go into walmart and buy myself a 4 way wrench to make things easier. who are these people? marketers for walmart?? everyone's got a product suggestion....
i take off all the lug nuts. now i can't get the tire off. we had this problem the last time i got a flat and we had to call AAA to come. the guy ended up underneath the car and had to kick the tire several times to get it off. i'm not really into trying that.
by the way, it's still 25 degrees out.
someone else stops. middle-aged guy with wife and kid. he asks if we need help. i tell him i can't get the tire off. he kicks it from the front a couple times and it pops right off. sweet! he even throws the donut on and tightens the lug nuts for me. all the while, he's complaining about how much this walmart sucked. apparently they went in, filled a cart with stuff, got disgusted with walmart, and left without buying anything. he said he'd never come back again.
so, donut is on. call my father-in-law and tell him disaster has been averted. we drive across the parking lot to giant eagle, where leeann needs groceries and i need my prescription refilled. only we have a problem: eckerd closes at 9pm (where it needs to be transferred from) and it's 8:45. i wait at the pharmacy for 5 min. before anyone talks to me and i ask very nicely if they can hurry up and call for my script. luckily, the chick was really understanding and did it right away. yay! the highlight of my evening.
i drive home and am annoyed and exhausted by the evening's events. where does my car karma come from? is it because of that accident i had? will i pay for the rest of my life because i hit someone and their back was hurt? i still feel terrible about it, and i still have back pain from it too. you would think that with all the disasters i've had with cars that i have paid for it many times over. like being poisoned with carbon monoxide from my exhaust leak? or having my car break down in the middle of 51 and having to have 3 men push it to the side of the road? what about the 2 other flat tires i've had? or needing 2 new head gaskets in 1 year for my cavalier? the honda mysteriously dying after i started driving it? i thought when my intrepid was stolen that was the last straw.
damn you karma!

yes, the problem is we need to teach a 4 year old the difference between fantasy and reality

4 year old power ranger saves the day!

repeal of prohibition causes super-production!

ok, the past 3 days have been more productive for me than the past 3 months. i don't think i'm exaggerating either!

friday night
i come home from work and jp has loaded and run the dishwasher. all that's left is a small pile of dishes. i know that i am going to the strip the next day. since my in-laws have never returned from a strip trip to a clean kitchen, i decide to finish the job. wash all the dishes, wipe down every surface. have enough time to eat before i go to katy's for a sex toy party. come home, wash jp's dinner dishes, rewipe kitchen.

saturday
wake up early to go to the strip. shop, shop, shop. manage to make the wholey's butcher angry by trying to bully him into making fresh kielbasa ASAP. am told by the guy at labad's that he would guess i was 18 at the oldest. is he serious? i mean, geez. 18? go home, unpack food.
spend the afternoon dealing with some christmas stuff. take a collage frame that's been empty for months and pull out pictures from my proof album to fill it, along with some other fun shots. it's the most obnoxious frame ever and i have to spray mount the photos to the plastic to actually make it work. and it doesn't look right the first 4 times i do it. grrrrr x 10,000.
decide to go to giant eagle to buy all baking needs for trial batches and real batches of cookies. $55 later, i'm set. 13 lbs. of flour to make my cookies. isn't that craziness?? i don't think jp and i have used 13lbs of flour in the 4 years we've lived together.
go home, make yummy cookies. make weird frozen french toast for sunday breakfast. make yummy dinner. clean kitchen about 7 more times. jp does litterbox, living room is a wreck. i'm obviously not going to get around to christmas decorating today, but hey, i made cookies. we eat dinner and are just about to get ready for cliff and jesse's repeal of prohibition party when julie calls me. she wants to know if i'll be theme-dressed for the night. since i hadn't thought of it until she mentioned it, i'm going with no. she reassures me she's not either. ok, cool.

the repeal of prohibition
we shower and jp decides to wear his suit and fedora. i wear a sweater and jeans, but i do bother to put on makeup.
go to cliff and jesse's. i see julie immediately because she is wearing a bright red flapper outfit. i laugh because it was almost like she called to fool me into not dressing up. turns out someone brought her a costum. we are bearing cava to drink out of the porron. we do that, with little splashage. smoking outside is cold, but manageable once you drink more cava. i spend most of the night talking to julie, but cliff and i do have a discussion about how great phil collins is.
ritters is offhandedly mentioned and i get super excited. so we call erik and colleen and they're game. yay! chocolate chip pancakes! i make a couple drunk dial calls. luckily, jp is prepared and stops it from becoming too bad. i do have a drunk dialing problem. i admit this. however, i have not been able to stop. i leave one drunken message and then call zac. somehow, i get the idea that zac is moving to new orleans. shortly after that, we arrive at ritter's and jp turns off the car. only my window is still open a crack, so i point at it frantically to indicate he should close it. he does, smashing the tip of my wayward finger. i cry. i'm not sure if i'm just drunk or if it really hurt a lot. however, it is still quite swollen today and it hurts to type, so i guess it was pretty injured.
we go inside ritters and colleen gets her first in-person drunk freya experience. we had fun, although someone kept playing 'earth, wind, and fire' on the jukebox. i accused erik of doing it and he was appalled.
here's the crazy part:
OUR RITTERS WAITRESS WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. this has never happened to us before. i was shocked.

sunday
i wake up way too late (11:15!) and have to get ready to go to a baby shower. this past year i've realized something. wedding and baby showers are really not all that fun unless you are the person or know the person really well. the food was really good though. the other people there were totally crazy. we were playing baby bingo, which is bingo with different presents that you might get at a baby shower in the boxes. you would've thought we were playing for hundreds of dollars rather than a calendar or some body lotion. these people were arguing the semantics of socks vs. booties, onesies vs. sleepers, baby bath holder vs. bathtub, etc. etc. it was utter chaos.
go back to my parents' house, where jp has done all of our laundry. yay! we eat, gather laundry, go home.
i sit on the floor and fold all of the laundry and repair my ripped jeans while watching 'harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban'. it's over at 11 and i'm suddenly inspired to clean the bedroom. our bedroom has not been cleaned since we moved in. i haven't yet actually put clothing in my dresser yet. it's piled on the dresser, on a rubbermaid storage container, on the floor, in a wicker basket, or in a random cardboard box that has made it into the bedroom. so i pile everything on the bed and sort and fold and assign places and 1 hour later, my bedroom is, for the most part, clean. but now i'm all keyed up and run around doing things like storing all the christmas presents in the closet, emptying ashtrays, setting up coffee for the morning, hanging up coats, etc. etc. it's a wild and crazy time. i finally get into bed around 1:15 and can't fall asleep. so i replan the decorating for my newly cleaned bedroom. there's nothing i like more than planning to decorate!

christmas! christmas! christmas!

NOTE: i <3 xmas. so much that i'll probably tear up writing this. so just a warning, it may be incredibly cheesey.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
every year on thanksgiving i am thankful for my in-laws. and i swear, it's only because of the family egg nog recipe =P anyone who thinks you can BUY nog or that you don't like egg nog is sadly mistaken and invited to the jansens on christmas eve to be proven wrong.

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
every little thing is wrapped. even batteries that accompany gifts are wrapped. and there is an equal amount of packages for both kids. because santa is fair.

Colored or white lights on tree/house?
i like the simple prettiness of white lights. but that's the decorator in me who wants a tree with ornaments in only 2 or 3 colors, so it is perfectly coordinated. in truth, i would be very sad if my parents' tree didn't have colored lights and all the homemade ornaments.
note: why do we stop making ornaments once we are adults and have some semblance of glue and glitter control?

Do you hang mistletoe?
ayup. as a newlywed, you need an excuse to kiss. no, really, i just like the eye roll i get from jp when i make him stand under it and kiss me.

When do you put your decorations up?
definitely not before december 1st....it usually depends on when i have time to clean first. this year, it was supposed to be last saturday, but i baked cookies instead. we'll see....

What is your favorite holiday dish?
mmmmm.....carrot souffle. potato dumplings. roast lamb. french onion soup on christmas eve. any and all cookies. chocolate covered cherries.

Favorite Holiday memory as a child
the year we got silly string in our stockings. we were told on christmas eve that there would be something in our stockings that we weren't allowed to use christmas morning. so we wake up, open our stockings and realize that it's the silly string. then our parents walk into the room and start spraying us with their own cans. we sat in stupefied silence until encouraged to spray back. everyone/thing was covered.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
in third grade, the class 'bad boy' announced it to the class. i have to admit i had my suspicions, but it was still sad. and i'm still upset i made my mother verify it. even though she asked me about 12 times if i REALLY wanted to know.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
first of all, i have to say that both my sister-in-law and mother-in-law lied on this question. since i've known them, i have given them their presents on christmas eve. so have my parents and brother. they open lots on christmas eve. don't be sucked in by their lies.
and i, too, open many presents on christmas eve. one from my parents, my brother's, and a whole bunch from in-laws while they are there.

How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
well, last year we had a real tree. this year, no. we'll have a 3ft little faker, so i'll decorate it with mini glass balls. parents' tree is covered with quite the assortment of things that have been collected over the year. including tinsel. we don't do tinsel because of the cats, although my father-in-law claims "nothing says christmas like tinsel hanging out a cat's ass!"

Snow! Love it or Dread it?
love love love it. i share lorelai gilmore's magical snow feelings. the first snow is so gorgeous, and so are all the others. however, i will say that there is nothing worse than slush and city snow (the kind that just gets browner and browner as the season goes on).

Can you ice skate?
surprisingly well for someone who has agility issues. i can do spins and skate backwards and people are always impressed. i think i have more skills ice skating than walking....

Do you remember your favorite gift?
my favorite gift would have to be my map of long island. my grandma, mom, and her siblings all have one and mom managed to find prints for erik and i. she was quite taken aback when the both of us were nearly moved to tears - she just thought it was a cool thing. i think we saw it as tradition being passed down to us.

What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
spending lots of time with the family. seeing my sisters-in-law and doug and seeing how happy jean and joe are that their whole family is together.

What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
well, pumpkin roll is just such a classic. but cheap chocolate covered cherries are up there too.

What is your favorite holiday tradition?
christmas eve at my parents with the whole gang. we'll be 15 this year.....

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
up until christmas eve, i prefer giving because i'm so wrapped up in shopping that i don't think about getting presents. but then once you open a couple....it's hard not to get excited. but the best feeling really is when you give the perfect gift to someone.

What is your favorite Christmas song?
anything classically caroled. if i had to choose... "god rest ye merry gentlemen", "carol of the bells", "ding dong merrily on high", "angels we have heard on high", "joseph bien et marie", "fum fum fum", "i saw three ships"....it just goes on and on. i can tell you what i hate too. this song makes me want to punch someone in the face (VERY un-christmas like). i don't even know what it's called but the chorus goes "last christmas, i gave you my heart. but the very next day, you gave it away. this christmas to save me from tears, i'll give it to somebody special." i shudder just to think of it.

Candy Canes?
yuck to the original. i buy the fruit flavored ones because i really like sucking on them until they get to a really sharp point and stab my tongue.

Fave Christmas Movie?
i have 3. of course, it's a wonderful life. because it is. and that movie is classically moving and who doesn't want a pool with a retractable floor over it? next, miracle on 34th street. because i still want to believe. finally, the grinch who stole christmas. because you can't get any better than dr. seuss and all the whos down in whoville (the tall and the small).

oh, yes, please!

here's a compliation of 50 loose ends that lost fans want to see tied up.
guess we'll have to wait and see when/if we get any sort of satisfaction with these...

Lost loose ends

freakish quiet

this week, nearly everyone who works in my office is out of town. at least i'm guessing that because out of an office of somewhere around 25-30, i think there are about 10 of us here. and by here, i mean has been here over the past 2 days. never all at once. it is freakishly quiet. like, i can hear the hum of my computer and my typing and NOTHING ELSE. has everyone been evacuated because of a bomb threat and they forgot about me? is there a fire? some big, important meeting that i should've known about? wait, i hear voices! laughter even! i'm not alone! and not afraid of bombs any longer.
what a relief.

driving lots and giving thanks...

ahh, the annual pilgrimage. will would love the pun-age. yet it's true! every year, some portion of my immediate family and i trek out to the wilds of upstate new york, where it's cold, smoke-free, and sales tax is 8.5%, even on clothing.
everyone has thanksgiving traditions. we are no exception, except most people tell me that ours sounds hellish. this year had a few differences that may have improved upon some of it. tell me what you think.

wednesday
it starts with wednesday. leave the house around 8:30 am, my brother and i packed in the back of my father's toyota solara (2 door!). 2 grown people in the backseat of any 2 door car is a recipe for regression into childhood, pinching and whining, which is what usually happens. add in the fact that my father believes we should stop once during 8 hours of driving and it gets fairly miserable. especially for the people used to peeing every 1-2 hours. or at least less than 5 hours after their morning coffee. throw in some carsickness, the sun beating down on one part of the car (meaning you're either freezing or sweating), and a very uncomfortable nap in which your body bends sideways at the hip and your head is on a cooler. let's just say there are more fun ways to spend 8 hours. somewhere around 5pm, we arrive at my aunt's house. the exact time depends on if i convince my father i have no qualms about wetting myself on his new upholstery or how much snow/ice/construction there is. upon arriving at my aunt's house, she makes spaghetti and we hang out with at least 5 members of the extended family. the adults go to bed around 11 (except for gramma, who goes around 10) and erik and i go to our cousins' place to hang out/sleep.

thanksgiving day
thursday involves anywhere from 19-24 of us for dinner. one set of my relatives show up 5 minutes before we eat and leave about an hour after dessert. the rest of us are in it for the long haul. in recent years, i have been racked by the guilt of not cooking or cleaning on thanksgiving, but i've been reassured that this is best left to the experts. that would be the matriarchal group of 5 that manages to clean up dinner for 24 faster than i can "make" salad in a bag. dinner is followed by pie and jello (weird, i know) and laying around. it is the longest day you've ever lived, yet not unpleasant (unless you manage to butt heads with any number of people there that you disagree with). after you manage to pull yourself out of the haze that is tryptophan, it's time to flip through the circulars for the black friday sales. yes, we are those people. while i myself have never actually entered a store before 9am on black friday, every year, there is something that someone needs at 5am.


black friday
up and at them, george mcfadden (10 points for correctly identifying this reference)! maybe i don't get out at 5am, but we are usually in a store by about 9. there are usually somewhere around 12 of us. keeping track of 12 people in a store is difficult with cell phones, and we've been doing it far longer than they've been around. you would think that it would be annoying to drive 20 minutes to go to one store that one person needs one specific thing (which may or may not be in stock by that time), but it's really not. if you like shopping, you just look around. if you don't, you stand outside in the freezing cold and smoke a lot of cigarettes. i fall into both categories, depending on the store. shopping like this involves sending contingencies back to the cars with piles of bags. you buy things that you don't need and that no one really wants because it is $3. since it's usually $40, this strikes you as a good idea. there is traffic everywhere. there are people in your way. the amazing thing is that people are far nicer on black friday than other christmas shopping times. by the time i make it out in public, they have already finished bleeding from the icepick wound they received while trying to wrassle a dora the explorer cash register away from someone else. the endorphins have set in and they've reached the stage of acceptance. there aren't really long lines anywhere, because people know to be overstaffed.
and everything is cheap as shit.
the day ends with sore feet around 5. it's like a full day of work. we go back to my aunt's and eat new york pizza. yum.

saturday and sunday
saturday is spent lounging, not doing much of anything. sunday is a repeat of wednesday, only everyone's crankier after having spent 5 days in close quarters.
and so it ends.

this year
ok, so the improvements this year.
1) JP!!!!!
this is the first thanksgiving that jp and i have ever spent together. out of 7. so this was very exciting.
2) drinking.
this is the first year i've gotten woodchuck for around the house and that we've gone out for drinks. i actually saw downtown albany for the very first time because we went to a bar there to meet our friend julie. i know that drinking to cope with things isn't always the best idea, but i think thanksgiving/lots of family time is a good excuse.
3) less people.
on friday, there were only 8 of us shopping. remarkably, keeping track of 8 people is much easier than 12.
4) more relief.
jp and i refused to sit in the back of the solara, so we drove my car up instead. we listened to 'america' the book on cd and i peed 3 times. not on the upholstery. our climate was controlled in a compromising manner.

so improving on traditions is something i wholeheartedly encourage. however, you may not invite jp to your thanksgiving next year. he's staying with me.

i like when the internet tells me who i am.

What kind of underground rocker girl are you?

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What weird misc. thing are you? Fish eating spaghetti You are absolutely adorable. I want to pick you up and sqeeze you until noodles come out of your nose.

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check it out: googlism

freya is a challenging
freya is there to provide it
freya is usually seen as the female fertility
freya is usually seen as the female fertility god of norse mythology but there are no sources suggesting that she was called on to bring fruitfulness to fields
freya is going out with a bang
freya is a goddess of love and fertility
freya is probably the best
freya is on her way
freya is taken from the norwegian goddess of fertility
freya is born in the autumn
freya is heralded a fresh voice in fiction
freya is a mature icelandic female orca
freya is a bit different
freya is less susceptible to common scab
freya is very much a "pet" quality doberman
freya is associated with the first eight runes; some of these are fehu
freya is one heck of a machine
freya is an excellent choice for a learner for the obvious reason
freya is the twin sister of the golden god freyr
freya is here to assist you in honoring your sexuality
freya is the goddess of marriage
freya is running version 4
freya is my fave character from ffix
freya is not a very good choice
freya is contemplating settling down
freya is gone
freya is devastated and doesn't know how she can live without him
freya is connected to the following things
freya is fucking happy
freya is the goddess of love
freya is tested by his increasing compassion for breeze
freya is most often recognized through its premier adult directory
freya is trained in the dragoon arts
freya is a student with a high intelligence
freya is part of the tripartite entity of ostara/freya/frigg
freya is a female domestic long hair with a beautiful calico coat
freya is a sign of his passionate core
freya is still in need of sponsorships to help pay for her care and vet treatment
freya is in the bathroom
freya is sitting on the sofa
freya is the princess of the forever cats
freya is currently undertaking research towards a phd on issues relating to biodiversity conservation and the law in the northern territory
freya is one of the last surviving dragoon knights
freya is a challenging introductory adventure for any fantasy
freya is a little chinese crested whose owner is victoria king
freya is regarded as the sister of the god frey
freya is said to be equal in power with frigga
freya is taken with viktor's manuscript
freya is much more a goddess of lust
freya is a character that we first meet in south lindbulm in a bar
freya is a trustworthy and loyal character who hides a dark and tragic past
freya is known as the lady of the vanir
freya is determined to sort out her life before she hits thirty
freya is not a lunar goddess
freya is always nearby and is probably helping to guide me in my quest for higher levels of being
freya is affectionate
freya is still perched on jackstands in the boat yard
freya is also the queen of the valkyeries
freya is going to take over the danish radio waves again over the summer
freya is doing very well
freya is a dragoon knight from burmecia
freya is quiet and serious
freya is holding is another one of master daniel's creations
freya is the pseudonym for a woman who for about 30 years has been in closed psychiatric care
freya is the goddess that you should pray to
freya is also both earth and moon
freya is eventually given work with the british foreign service during world war ii
freya is an unusual name
freya is the goddess of freedom and love and the goddess of making love
freya is an excellent fighter
freya is fleeing towards wotan and his wife

global search and replace - even more useful than i thought!

i am currently rereading 'the golden compass' by phillip pullman (book one of 'his dark materials' - if you haven't read it, go buy the trilogy RIGHT NOW. they're fantastic (in both meanings of the word).). in it, he spells the word 'demon' 'dæ mon'. since 'æ' is not readily available on the keyboard, i was thinking this morning (on the bus) that it must be difficult. the word comes up very often. even if you have it set to a keyboard shortcut, you're still looking at wasting valuable time hitting ctrl+whatever to get this. then i realized that he must've typed it up all with 'demon' and just done a global search and replace in word to change it! however, whenever i use global search and replace on large files, word likes to crash. so i hope phillip pullman didn't have too too much trouble with it.
and that would be my random bus thought for today.

fashion forward

so amongst all my travelling this weekend, i read the latest issue of cosmo. and guess what i found out? the latest hair style to hit hollywood is what they call 'sexy bed head' or some other such nonsense. so all you have to do is put a whole bunch of product in your hair, blow dry it completely (15-20min), curl it (15-25min), put more product in it, separate the curls (carefully! so about 5min), floof it up, and voila! in 45 min or more, you have hair that looks exactly like mine. only what i do is this: wash, add infusium 23 leave in treatment, flip head, blowdry as long as desired (average 30sec), flip head back up, shake head until hair does not look like you blow dried it upside down (average 12sec). who knew i was so trendy?
if you're really disturbed about my trendiness, rest assured it won't be true for long. i was also informed that cowboy boots will be 'so out' in 2007. however, to part with my steve maddens will take an act of god or force of nature that the world is unprepared for. so stay tuned for january, when i will be 'so last season'.

god, i love this woman already. at night i dream about student loans not being 6.8% anymore!

"Pelosi also has said that in the first 100 hours of her speakership she will push for action implementing all 9/11 Commission recommendations on national security, raising the minimum wage to $7.25, eliminating corporate subsidies for oil companies, allowing the government to negotiate Medicare drug prices, imposing new restrictions on lobbyists, cutting interest rates on college loans and supporting embryonic stem-cell research."

full CNN article

ha! now i don't have to feel bad about being mean.

tim very graciously pointed out that rick santorum's son hates us all. so we're allowed to rejoice in his sadness.

today is the greatest day in my political career...

and by 'political career', i mean my caring about politics. we won the house, montana is OURS, and rumsfeld is gone.
1, 2, 3! fanfuckingtastic! the only thing that could make life any better would be virginia. our margin is shrinking there, by the way. i'm starting to be worried through my euphoria. as of 1:04pm, we were up by .28%. down .06% from this morning. they actually took away from the total number of votes. i don't really understand that, but whatever. as long as it stays with us.

yay!!!!

somebody phone home, the american people have spoken!

i could not be more ecstatic or optimistic about the election. well, that's a lie. i'll be much more ecstatic when montana and virginia are declared a democratic victory. but for now, i have a smile on my face, and a cnn window open that i refresh every 90 seconds. hang on, gotta go do that.
ok. the democratic margin in montana just went up a bit. yay!
i've spent most of my morning calculating the percentage that the dems are winning by. at this moment, in virginia, we are up by .34% and montana is a little bit better, with .43%. that is just so crazily close.
now, i don't want to sound mean, but i'm going to be for a bit. i hope we win both those states, and that people are up in arms about the closeness and really pissed off. because i've had that feeling enough times. and they'll just have to suck it up and have a democratic senate AND house. ha!
last night, there were two fantastic moments. the first was santorum's concession speech. how absolutely great did that feel, PA?? and all 17 of his kids crying on the stage? they're all way too young to realize how evil and wrong their father really is. i'm sure they're filled with his rhetoric every day. do you think there's a way for us to adopt them and fix that?
the other was when we won the house. most times when i'm happy, i clap my hands and maybe wriggle a bit. last night, there was full on jump dancing. i mean, jumping side to side while holding my arms in the air yelling "we did it, we did it!". i'm hoping i disturbed the girl downstairs that sings really awful r&b all day long.

keep your fingers crossed people!
huzzah to the democratic process!

happy dentistry and random family encounters

yesterday i had a dentist appointment. i had had a cleaning on october 12 and was given the disappointing news that i had 2 cavities to be filled. i needed an appointment later in the day, so i had to wait until yesterday.

a little history...
now, in the past, i have had a cavity on my front tooth. the procedure of this sucks beyond all mentioning, and i was told that there was another cavity near where this one was! are you kidding me? now, this filling on my front tooth is luckily not silver, but supposedly matches my tooth color. however, it didn't. it was definitely yellower. and looked gross. it was also a different texture than my tooth (rougher) and obviously protruded a bit from the tooth, making it thicker. i was not pleased about this when i got it done, but i thought it was better than the discolored cavity part that had been there. as of late, i have hated it, but sucked it up and tried not to smile so toothily.

yesterday...
yesterday, i show up to the dentist completely trepidatious. i hate hate hate novicaine and i am super sensitive to the drill noise. getting a cavity filled is definitely a torturous procedure for me. so all day long i worried about it. show up at the dentist at 4:20 (appt. at 4:30) and wait until 5. i hate that! so go back with the hygenist and and wait for the dentist, who is not the dentist i saw before. i didn't particularly like the dentist i saw before, so this is fine with me. so dr. so-and-so comes in and introduces himself to me. he then proceeds to tell me there have been some "discrepancies" between reality and what the other dentist said. so i don't have 2 cavities. i have some "decalcification" that may one day be a cavity and a really crappy filling on my front tooth. so he tells me he will "polish it up" for me. he does and voila! i have a tooth that is the same texture, thickness, and color as my other teeth. it's amazingly gorgeous and i have been checking out my teeth in every mirror i can find. best dentist appointment ever.

random family encounters

a little history...
most of my extended family lives right around albany, ny. every year we go to albany for thanksgiving. it's the perfect amount of family time and generally the only time i get to see my family. i'm always excited to go. this year, i'm particularly excited because it will be the very first thanksgiving that jp and i spend together.

today...
my mother calls me around 11:30 to say that she is going downtown to pick up my cousin brian (from albany) and bring him to oakland for lunch. do i want to come? free lunch and a surprise brian visit? yay! he's in town for about 24 hours to have psychological testing done to qualify him for a job. no sociopaths allowed, apparently. so i meet erik, brian, and mom for lunch at lulu's.

life's randomness is the best part. i love it!

vote vote vote!

i am so excited to vote today. i love voting. voting is the one time in this crazy fucked up world where i feel like i make a difference. i'm sure plenty of you would tell me that one vote doesn't make a difference. i'm here to tell you that if everyone had that attitude, no one would vote! and where would we be then? did you know only 1/3 of young people vote? that's the crappiest thing i've ever heard. how many times have we all complained about politics? are y'all happy with the way the us is being run? if you answered anything greater than zero for the first question or anything at all for the second, then you should vote. we all should. i hate the "it's my civic duty" thing. of course, it's a good idea to keep democracy going here. i'm into it. but i don't vote because it's my duty. i vote because i care. i understand that some people may not care, and that's fine. there are certainly things i don't care about: competitive bass fishing, the color of my socks, and polishing my nails (finger, not toes. everyone knows polishing your toes during sandal season is important.), just to name a few. but how can you be apathetic about politics? if you have healthcare, do you wonder why you pay so much for it? if you don't, don't you think you should have it? shouldn't everyone? if you want to criticize someone or call a middle eastern country, wouldn't you rather the government not know about it? c'mon people! apathy is cool if you're an 18 year old stoner. at the age of 20, 22, even 25, it's not. you're not allowed to not vote. i know you have an opinion. now go and express that, and know that you (yes, you!) have made a difference.

my name is freya and i approved this blog entry.

speaking again of cats....

last night, i tried to get sirius to make me cookies. i didn't care if he eated it, i would've just been happy with his newfound ability. to no avail....

OMG ceiling cat is watching me masturbate!!

is cat piss the answer??

now i understand how people peter out with the whole blog thing. they must actually have jobs that keep them busy! .
life lately has consisted of me feeling very guilty about the state of the apartment, but not doing much about it. yesterday i cleaned the bathroom, which didn't really need it all that badly, but i felt like i should do something, and i didn't want to do the dishes. or pick up the living room. this "picking up" thing is what kills me. i absolutely hate taking something and putting it away. it drives me crazy. so a maid service wouldn't even help me, because you have to pick up before they come clean things! the cleaning part is actually what i like much more. wiping surfaces, dusting, vacuuming - these are all perfectly acceptable tasks as far as i'm concerned. and laundry. i could do laundry all day long. are there jobs where you do that? do they also pay similarly to mine? because that would be great.
no, really, i'm desperately afraid of the fact that i will never have a well organized, generally clean place. don't get me wrong, we don't live in filth or anything. i actually do things like pick things up off a table to wipe it off and then put them back there. the problem is the piling up of things. with jp's law school workload essentially that of 2 full time jobs, he can't really be expected to do much, either. so i think we may be screwed. should i have found a neat freak? are we in for a life of apologizing anytime someone comes over, or shutting the bedroom door because god forbid someone see the piles of (clean) clothes that i have on every surface, including the floor? i can't call my landlord to come fix things for fear of them yelling at me about the state of their property. thank god the cats don't piss on things left on the floor.
hey, there's an idea. i just need a cat who would! can you train them to do that?

condoms, condoms everywhere....

no time for a real post, but read this. it's hilarious. especially if you're from allentown.

condoms as far as the eye can see...

motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane

ok, now there have been many pop culture references to 'snakes on a plane' or whatever that movie about the snakes on the plane was called. lorelai on gilmore girls couldn't believe that the plot was summed up so well in the title. she felt they just gave it all away. honestly, it sounds like a terrible movie. i mean, gimme a break. 2 hours of snakes on a plane? no thank you.
last night was the season 2 finale of 'weeds'. the highlight was shane (mary louise parker's fictional son) giving his elementary school graduation speech. here's how it went:

"greetings agrestic elementary school, class of 2006. hello teachers, parents, step-parents, siblings, boyfriends and girlfriends of parents, assorted relatives, friends of your mom and dad's you call aunt and uncle who really aren't, and principal dodge. as I stand before you today, on the brink of junior high, here is what I have to say: you have failed us all! everything is not ok! we have become alienated, desensitized, angry, and frightened. we picture agrestic as an airplane. a grand, soaring jet carrying us through the sky. i think you all need to understand: there are motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane."
he was promptly interrupted by the principal. you have to watch the clip, even if you don't watch 'weeds', because it's just so good:

shane's graduation speech

click on the video clip 'let him speak'.

delicious dinner, minimalism, uncomfortable meetings, dying batteries, and one sleepy toddler

friday

delicious dinner
friday involved an incredibly frustrating event followed by loveliness. essentially, i don't like when people contradict themselves and then somehow make things my fault because of it. especially to the extent where my entire weekend is nearly ruined by it. the details are not appropriate to be posted on the internet, but i will happily rant about it if you give me the opportunity. it caused some lateness on my behalf, which sucked because we had dinner plans.
dinner at casbah with my in-laws and some friends, mike and milly. it was oh-so-lovely. i love love love schmancy restaurants. drinking wine and eating cheese and someone taking your coat for you....i was born for it, i tell ya. so after tons of great food and wine, jp and i trekked back home to excitement. why, you ask?? because the newest season of battlestar galactica had arrived! yay! so we watched an episode and went to sleep.

saturday

minimalism
woke up and went to the museum with erik and colleen. the museum costs $10 if you are not a full time student. and that doesn't even get you in to see "amazon riches"! so i ask the girl if i get a discount with my cmu id and she tells me yes and asks for it. then after taking it out of its holder, examining it, and scanning it, she tells me i am not a full time student. since i am well aware of this, and never tried to represent myself as a student, i was annoyed. it says STAFF real big on my id. whatever, fine.
so we wander to the scaife gallery, which is the permanent art gallery. wander through the very blue, very religious art of the 16th and 17th century and eventually make it to the impressionists, my favorites. while going through the gallery, i find the cutest children's book ever. it's called "katie meets the impressionists" and it's about this cute lil' girl who wanders into impressionist paintings to find flowers for her grandma. super fun, every kid should read it. so i had a good ol' time til we go to the minimalists. minimalist art annoys me. i've made doodles that i think took more time and effort than some of their "work". there was actually a canvas that had been painted white, with a purple border. i kid you not. i don't care if you're the first person to think of that. it's still not creative. whenever i see people staring at and analyzing minimalism, all i can think is that the artist is at home going "sucka!". i know enough really talented people that i get angry their work isn't in a museum while this stuff is. but enough about my artistic perspective.

uncomfortable meetings
so i'm driving home from the museum and the world suddenly explodes in some sort of crazy hail/rain/leaf storm. all about 30 seconds before i have to run into the liquor store. heavy sigh.
get home, hang around, get ready for halloween parties. jp has to put on a shirt and suspenders, and i'm stuck strapping myself into my crazy costume. we leave (only 15 min late!), go pick up leeann, and head to josh's party.
i had some misgivings about going to josh's. there were definitely people that i'm uncomfortable being around that may be there. and of course they all were. i don't even know how to explain the exact source of discomfort, but it is fairly overwhelming. and we didn't really get to hang with josh that much because he was throwing a party. so we leave and go to rob and dan's, but not before grabbing a kathleen from the street (well, she was there trying to find us. she wasn't just wandering the streets alone or anything.).

dying batteries
show up at rob and dan's. wander in and i know.....3 people??? where are all my friends? who ARE these people? and why are there 40 year olds in the kitchen who are definitely making me feel like i should've worn a mu-mu? let's not forget the chick who turns around, sees me, and immediately glares. and, by the way, her costume was just as slutty. so i don't wanna hear it.
eventually i end up with all my friends in dan's room and we chill. much nicer than the other weirdness. i start to take (really cute!) pictures and my camera dies. and there are no replacement batteries in the house. life is sad. i did get a couple cute pics though. shannon came up with the bright idea of calling zac and passing him around. so we did and i think he was on the phone for about an hour and a half. it was a long time. in the meantime, i met brett's oldest brother, brian, who turned out to be super cool (even if he was very west coast). i also met rob and dan's roommate alan, who immediately realized that i'm a super nerd inside. ended up talking to him for awhile.

one sleepy toddler
amongst all the craziness, around 12:30, 1:00, these people show up with a toddler. this kid had to be somewhere around 2ish. she could walk, but not really talk much. her mother runs into the kitchen demanding shots. the kid ends up roaming around the house with drunk 20somethings not really noticing her (she was kinda short) and she wanders into dan's room. she has no toys or any sort of kid stuff to play with, so i start handing her things on dan's desk: his respironics id, an envelope...and then some afrin. she looks at the afrin funny and so i sorta fake demonstrate how you use afrin (note: afrin is nasal spray). she takes the afrin from me, holds it up to her nose, and sniffs.
i fell off the bed laughing.
her mother gets all indignant when she hands her the afrin ("who gave you that? you can't play with that!") and then gives her something she could easily choke on to play with and sends her on her merry way. hell-o? who brings a toddler to a party? and even if you did, who lets their toddler stay up until 3 o'clock in the goddamn morning??? that's when i left, and they were still there. complaining about how the kid was kinda cranky.
are you kidding me?

toddler gets stuck in vending machine

this is amazing!



i want sponge bob!!

my ipod's "if-elsif-else" loop

i just want to start this by saying that i will not defend my musical tastes in this post. please feel free to mock any of the music mentioned. i do happen to like lame (to you) music as well as other more talented/interesting things.

that being said....
as of late, i have been listening to the 'wicked' soundtrack over and over again. and not even the whole thing. i only downloaded 5 of the songs. i now know all the words to all of them. many of you may be sick of the influence it has had over my life.
so i decided to stop listening to exclusively that and the two the fray songs i have. put my ipod back on shuffle, meaning it's supposed to randomize through my library. however, i've found that my ipod has favorites as well, and they are just plain weird.
first of all, it is obsessed with particular bands. its favorites are goo goo dolls, blink 182, and tatu. 1 out of ever 2 or 3 songs is from one of these groups. statistically, these are not nearly as prevalent as others, like the beatles (which has 4 albums represented and is rarely chosen) or tori (who also has 4 full albums).
secondly, 'invisible touch' by genesis is its all time favorite song. it plays it without fail each time i set it to shuffle. the other one is 'cruel summer' by bananarama. i have paid attention to and even read the lyrics of both these songs searching for meaning, thinking maybe it's a higher power that controls the shuffle and that they are trying to tell me something. i have come to the conclusion that it is simply a computer program that looks something like this:

if (song = 'invisible touch' | 'cruel summer') {
play song;
} elsif (artist = goo goo dolls | blink 182 | tatu) {
play song;
} else {
redo loop;
}

ifrogz!

ok, these are amazing. i love 'em. my favorite combos are below:
check it out.

ifrogz

wrapz

bandz

screenz (category)

screenz

aqua spray

copper

artistic

retro

lymon

aqua spray

pop

whale

aqua spray

tree frog

nature

brown tree

tree frog

summer plum

nature

bamboo

papaya

mandarin

culture

paris

hot purple

royal blue

artistic

rags

tree frog

khaki pants

artistic

retro

aqua spray

tree frog

pop

whale

aqua spray

lymon

nature

ferns