Where are you, Christmas?

Ever since I realized I don't have the crazy Christmas spirit this year, I've had that awful "Where are you, Christmas?" song stuck in my head. It's the theme song from the terrible Jim Carrey version of the Grinch. After today, I don't feel any more kindly towards the world.
First of all, I managed to whack my ankle on the bathroom door rather hard. It hurt. Then, I spent the afternoon trying to navigate through the Market District Giant Eagle in Shadyside because I needed parchment paper and couldn't find it at mine. I have no idea where anything is there, and it was packed. They also didn't have shallots, which I needed. I wandered aimlessly through the aisles trying to find anything on my list. After I got home, I spent the next 9 hours (minus an hour, maybe) making 4 different kinds of Christmas cookies. On my feet the whole time. After that, I set everything up to wrap presents, of which I still had a huge pile to do. I started and got a couple of packages done before I realized I was OUT OF TAPE. It was 1:30. So I had to go to the Squirrel Hill Giant Eagle (open 24 hours!) to get tape. While wandering around there, I realized that my ankle really, really hurt. So I was actually just limping around. Now, it's 4:10 and I am giving up. I have 2 more packages to do for JP, but I'll do them tomorrow.
The good news is the apartment is amazingly clean. For the first time in months. Yay.

Happy Christmas your arse

I am a fan of Christmas. I'm that person that gets really excited in September because Christmas is only 3 months away. I decorate, I shop endlessly and agonize over the perfect gift, I tip like crazy, and I walk around feeling like everyone I see must be infected with the same joy I am, so I smile at them all.

But not this year.

I've noticed that it tends to be a little later each year that I start to get REALLY excited. But then I spend those 2 weeks hopping around. It's now the 21st and I haven't decorated our apartment. My mother-in-law is apparently heartbroken about this. I've somehow disappointed her by not being excited about Christmas. I have bought presents and I did give the pizza guy a $5 tip today. I sent Christmas cards. I think it's pretty telling that my favorite song this year is 'Fairytale of New York' by the Pogues. I must've listened to it 10 times today. I've posted the lyrics below. My favorite verse is the sixth one. My favorite line is "Happy Christmas your arse/I pray God it's our last.

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you.

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true.

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me.

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night.

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day.

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last.

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you.

At a loss for words

I don't know if you noticed, but I like to talk. A lot. Lately, though, I feel like I don't have anything to say. I've fallen behind in emailing people that I would normally. My mother calls and we talk for a while, but I don't necessarily contribute much. I don't Gmail chat as much either. And responses to short emails that would normally turn into long responses that go off on multiple tangents just aren't happening. It's also been a week or more since my last entry here. It's strange, I'm used to babbling on and on. Is working at home rubbing off on me? Since I don't really talk to anyone during the day, have I just gotten used to being more taciturn? Or have I just managed to exhaust all my allotted conversation by talking so much more than other people during my mere 26 years of existence?

Geek!

So, surprisingly, I am only 4 kinds of geek:

Potter Geek
Food geek
Book Geek
TV Geek

If I had to pick the geekiest? Potter.

What about you?

Oliver Twist

Aside from all my other issues that stem from my insomnia, the latest development would be the bags under my eyes. I looked in the mirror the other day and all I could think was that I looked like some sort of Victorian orphan. It's kinda like this:



Ok, I admit that I took this pic and used Paint to paint the bags (which look more like football player's greasepaint than undereye circles, I know). But it's very similar, I swear!

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”

(quote by Alex Tan)

Today was quite bad for a variety of reasons, but mostly because of the dream that I posted about earlier. I kept getting teary all day when I would think of it. But I had work to do and couldn't just go cry. So I blinked back tears countless times.
I had to work late today (until like 7:30), so I was essentially waiting all day so that I could go home and cry. When I got in my car to go home, I decided to grab some food for JP and I. Then I decided to just go wander around a store and Christmas shop. So after all this, I finally get home and get a big hug and I start to feel better. JP went and got us Thai takeout and I finished watching 'Gossip Girls'. Lovely. The rest of the night has been good, more random TV (caught last night's 'Project Runway' and some of 'French Kiss') and a visit from Tim. So we're hanging out and I find a Harry Potter fanfic titled...wait for it...."Snape: The Home Fries Nazi". The description is as follows: "Following Harry’s defeat of Voldemort, all Death Eaters lose their magic. Snape decamps to the United States, where he works as a fry cook. Harry seeks him out looking for advice." And it's 27,000 words long! I could barely get through telling them this because I was laughing so hard that I had tears pouring down my face. And then we discussed Potter Puppet Pal's "The Mysterious Ticking Noise" (please go watch it, it's hilarious) and JP and Tim imitated the Harry Potter puppet simultaneously. Hilarity. I love when they're undignified.
And then I realized how good I felt, just cracking up in my living room with JP and Tim. I did need to cry.

Am I a Hero?

Last "night", I fell asleep at 5 a.m. This is the latest that my insomnia has kept me up. It was wretched. I tried to clear my mind before I went to sleep, but it was a real struggle. I usually don't remember my dreams, either, but last night's was a doozy. If you watch Heroes, it will make a lot more sense, but if you don't, just know that Peter Petrelli is my favorite character on the show.
So I was running down a New York sidewalk towards essentially ground zero of some horrific event that I had just witnessed (big explosion, shooting, something.). I was grabbed out of nowhere by Peter Petrelli. He took me in his arms and spun me around in a very cheesy romantic comedy sort of way. Like, feet not touching the ground. And I have never felt happier in my entire life than at that moment. Safe. Protected. Loved. The funny thing is the the actor who plays Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) is fairly short and slight, but it was obviously no effort for him to spin me around. After he put me back down, he kissed me. A perfectly chaste peck on the lips, but it was chock full of meaning and feelings. And we both realized that this was the end for us. I can't ever remember feeling so indescribably sad (in a dream or life) before. It was like we knew we were on different paths and would never really meet again. Someone walked up to me then and was talking about how in a year, I would return with some sort of 'Chosen One' child named Arianna and that they would be ready for her this time. I walked a few steps away with Peter to his girlfriend (a girl I went to high school with), who I hugged tightly, along with him. She was obviously a close friend of mine. She whispered in my ear "You can't have him, he's mine". She meant it as a joke, but with my arm that was wrapped around her, I reached to lay a hand on his chest. He squeezed it and gently removed it before untangling all three of us from the hug.
JP rolled over and started snoring at that point. I consciously knew I was waking up, but I struggled to stay in the dream, to have one more moment with him. I awoke panting, my pulse racing, and my left hand over my heart. It HURT. Now, 5 hours later, I'm tearing up just remembering how I felt.
What do we think? Loss of innocence? Do I want someone else's man? Am I secretly a Hero as well? Or have I just been thinking too much about Heroes lately?

Rice

I have a lot of heavy shit going through my mind right now, but it's way too much to process into something coherent, so I'm going to talk about rice instead.
I like to think that I'm generally a good cook. I've made awful things, sure, but my standards are generally awesome. I can invent things well, and I cover all sorts of cuisines in my cooking. I'm not afraid to do complicated things or use strange ingredients. And I thoroughly enjoy cooking, especially for people other than JP.

But I cannot, for the life of me, make rice.

I have tried on countless occasions and always ended up with some sort of soupy mixture or 3 inches of burned rice on the bottom of my pot. My mother-in-law took pity on me and bought me a rice cooker, so I thought my problems were solved. Until today. I went to make sushi rice to roll up some quick veggie sushi for Tim's Japanese dinner party. And I failed utterly because stupid me made basmati instead of actual sushi rice and it didn't absorb the mirin or rice vinegar and is now just a soupy mess. Argh.

La nieve

(me, during the first snow of the season.)

Lorelai: (to herself) The world changes when it snows. It's quiet. Everything softens.

Lorelai: Wait, close your eyes and breathe. I smell snow.
Rory: Ah, it's that time of year.
Lorelai: Can't you smell it?
Rory: You know, it's like dogs and high-pitched noises. I think it's something only you can smell.
(Rory sits down next to Lorelai and pulls a blanket over the both of them)
Lorelai: I love snow.
Rory: Really, I had no idea.
Lorelai: Everything's magical when it snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats.
Rory: Thermal underwear, wool socks, ear flaps.

I'm so glad someone else feels the same way about snow as I do. A couple weeks ago, the sky spit some little flakes at us and I called it the first snow. But today, I can see the little white bits floating around. I love how it swirls. I love how it's cold outside and I'm either looking out through my window all nice and warm, or I'm bundled up in a scarf and coat and wearing a sweater. And you can just look up and see it falling.
Snow means the start of my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving, Christmas baking and shopping, Will's birthday, Christmas party with friends, family, a brand new year...it's all so much fun and so exciting and crazy. I can't wait.

Quotes are from "Love and War and Snow", Gilmore Girls season 1, episode 8.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

The title is a quote from Douglas Adams. Right now, I'm having problems. And by right now, I mean at this moment. I assume that tomorrow or maybe even during happy hour tonight, I will have not necessarily forgotten, but will not think it's such a big deal. And if the fact that I overdrew my checking account so many times that overdraft had to kick in to pay the fees is not a big deal anymore, then all these other little things that are now bothering me will be ignored. Why is that? Why does negative thinking have such a powerful hold that it encompasses everything that might possibly be wrong? Yesterday, there were dirty dishes in the kitchen. I purposely didn't do them. Who cares? I can do them later. Well, now it obviously means that I'm worthless and lazy and can't even accomplish the most basic of household tasks. Oh, and I haven't been my most productive at work. Usually when that happens, I feel slightly guilty but realize that I am usually a good employee and have never missed a deadline. Today it means I should be fired. And I have a balance on some credit cards. Yesterday, this was a goal - to pay them off. Today, coupled with overdrawing my account, this means I am horrible with handling money. Those doctor's appointment and dentist appointment I've been meaning to make? Yep, sheer laziness. The bug being months overdue for its inspection? Irresponsible citizen!
I have a really fun playlist on my iPod. I tried to listen to it, but it was just pissing me off that it was so happy and bubbly. I'd just like to listen to the one I've labeled 'sad' and wallow. Is wallowing a healthy thing? Is it a step to recovery? Or should I just suck it up and try to deal with the happy and bubbly?

Party like a Rockstar

Saturday was Tim Scott's going away party. I labeled it as such, but I also intended for it to be about Alecia. We did a little bit of prep for the party - bought a cake, some flowers, JP made salsa, us girls made a giant poster filled with Tim pictures.
The best part of the party was the setting. We were trying to decide where the party should be while we were at happy hour one night, and our bartender told us there is a private room upstairs. So we went with that. The room was amazing. It was the 70s basement that my parents never had at our house. The entire room is wood paneled, with a circular booth in the corner. The booth is covered with floral vinyl that has puzzle-pieced texturizing placed over it. Absolutely, amazingly out of date. The room wasn't huge, but it held us well. We had to go down to the bar for drinks anyways, so all of us were never really in the room together.
I also bought a blank book and asked everyone to write a message to Tim and/or Alecia. Knowing myself, I wrote a real message earlier in the day and wrote a p.s. that warned against any/all future messages I may write in there. Of course, I did write a second message. I believe that I wrote I was seeing 2 of the page at that time. I also wrote that I hoped they could read it, followed a little later by "No, seriously, I hope you can read this."
Since we were the VIPs of the evening, Binder, the bartender, was awesome to us. Around 2:30 he came up and said as long as we kept the drinks up there and didn't come down in droves to order things, we could stay as long as we wanted. That turned out to be 4:30. Hopefully, we made it worth his while. I know I did. I definitely tipped him $4 for a $6 pitcher of beer at one point. JP said he spent about $20 total that night. I spent about $60. Ouch.
The evening ended with us saying goodbye to Tim and Alecia. I'm not good at goodbyes, and I do usually tear up a little. However, drunk + 4:30am + hormones equated to me hugging them while wiping away tears and then turning to JP and sobbing on his shoulder while he and Alecia held me. Ach. I haven't cried like that since...no clue. It's been a long, long while.
JP, Zac, Rob, Brandon, and I decided to meet up at EatnPark and wind down. Brandon made some hilarious comments about Zac's sandwich (mostly insisting that it was a hot sausage when it was, in fact, fish). I had to lead Brandon to the men's room while the busboy looked at me in sympathy. By the time we made it home, it was 6:30am. As I was crawling into bed, I looked at JP and remarked that I was really proud we could still hang out this late. It had probably been years. Thank Gods it was dreary and grey yesterday. I managed to sleep until noon.
Oh, what a night.

Pictures can be found here.

Thanks guys.

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it.
-Agatha Christie

JP and I have been invited to the Christmas party for the law firm that he will be working at next summer. Since they bothered to invite us, we figured we should go. It's at the Omni and the invite says 'black tie optional'. Yikes. Schmancy. So today, I put out a call for advice on being a mini-lawyer's wife at a schmancy Christmas party. Here's what I got:

Tim: drink a lot and be derisive of those less fortunate than you.

Noah: wear nothing but a tuxedo coat, but short. no tails. then paint the rest of the outfit on.

Kathleen: wear something kinda slutty, but not too slutty and just smile alot
me: uh, thanks. so, like, a teddy? in fuschia?
Kathleen: well geez. if its schmancy, wear stockings.

Matthias: my advice: bring a gun.

Josh: my very best counsel is: don't go. play dead.

Turn and face the strain

I'm tired of goodbyes. I'm tired of being so happy about how things are and then having them change in a heartbeat. The most important thing in my life is the people I care about. I want them to be in my life. I want them to be happy and successful and find someone that they adore that feels the same way about them. Sometimes these things are mutually exclusive. Sometimes they mean me thinking really selfish, shitty things.

Sometimes your friend wants to be successful and be able to go to school and so they join the army to do it. And then they get deployed to Iraq, come home for nothing more than a tease of a visit, and leave again. Which hurts so much more than if they had just stayed.

Sometimes people have a long distance relationship. People who you want to make things work, who are absolutely great for each other. And to be together, the best, happiest thing for them is to move thousands of miles away. On Monday.

Sometimes people come back into your life after a long absence, and you forget why they weren't there the whole time. And then they lose their shitty job, get one that seems entirely fulfilling and exciting. And travel 5 out of 7 days a week.

Change just hurts sometimes.

Catching up

I find the world of social networking sites to be infinitely fascinating. Aside from flooding the internet with pointless surveys about useless facts in my life that I don't think anyone reads, I spend a fair amount of time doing what I like to call "MySpace stalking". I find people I don't really know that I have some connection to (went to high school together, significant other of someone, etc.) and try to figure out what kind of people they are based on their pictures and profile. It's ridiculous, highly judgmental, and slightly pathetic on my part. I realize this and do it anyways.
But every once in awhile, it comes in handy. You find someone (or someone finds you) that you weren't expecting. Someone you hadn't thought about in years. Someone you never thought you would talk to again. And yet, it's a really good feeling that they are (even remotely) a part of your life again. This recently happened to me, and I have been amazed at how open and warm the reception has been - on both sides. I look forward to our messaging. I love that they do my surveys, too. And I appreciate getting to know someone who has changed and grown and yet still feels connected to me on some level.
Yes, Ash, this is about you. Sorry it's so cheesy. It's that "organizing thoughts" thing that has come back to bite me in the ass. =)

Shameless Promotion

JP has started a food blog, and I am here to plug it. You'll be able to see what we eat/cook/fail at if you check it out. He even used a word that I don't know in the first entry. Can you get more JP than that?

Bodging Towards Chefery

Be my muse

So after rereading past blog entries, I realize that almost every one of them is written as a reaction to something. Lately, I've been feeling a little apathetic, so I haven't been reacting in the normal sense. I think that's why I've been writing less here. So, I have a challenge for you, my loyal readers. Give me something to sing about! Wait, that's Buffy. Give me something to write about!
I'm willing to branch out here, too. I can (try to) write fiction, if you'd like. Please don't give me any poetry challenges, unless you want some rhymed couplet fluff (which might be fun...though JP will inevitably hate it.). That's all I can handle there. If you want me to write about poetry, song lyrics, etc., that's fine. Post it in the comments, email, or MySpace message me. I promise I will give you credit for it in my response.

I'm really curious to see what you guys come up with...

This is Halloween!

Yep, today is Halloween. I plan to spend the evening at Will&Shan's passing candy out to the hoodlums of Swissvale. Last year, we gave candy to teenagers that didn't even bother with costumes. It had been our intention to give them shit about it, but some of them were pretty scary looking, so we refrained.

Last Saturday was the annual costume bash. This year it was at Brian&LeeAnn's. It was an especially awesome year because Steph was there! Yes, after 5 months in Iraq, working 12 hour shifts 6 or 7 days a week, Stephanie has been rewarded with 18 days off. We're not going to get into how that doesn't even equal the weekends that she should've had or that she has no more leave for the next 6-10 months. We're just going to appreciate that, for now, she is a mere hour away in New Castle.

Check out the pictures here.

Some notable costume mentions/details/explanations:
JP and I - O-Ren Ishii and a member of the Crazy 88. I sprayed my hair black for the occasion. I had to shower before I slept so it didn't get all over the pillows. It took 3 shampoos to get it all out. Not fun at 4:30 in the morning.

LeeAnn - When she told me she was going to be a clown, I thought she was going to wear something incredibly unflattering and look ridiculous. Instead, she wore something ridiculous and it was incredibly flattering. No fair.

Zac - Zac was "white and nerdy". It was awesome. And hilarious. I made him call me at the party so that I could have his theme song playing (his ringtone on my phone is "White and Nerdy"). He did have a point, though - he really needed a Donny Osmond.

Will - Will's crow was amazing. I am head butting it in one of the pics.

and finally...

Tim Notari, as "The Son of Man". Outstanding. He won a much deserved "Most Creative" award.

I'll post more later...

but hopefully this will tide you over until then.

I didn't know this either.

My rankings

Have y'all ever wondered how I ranked the Harry Potter characters? Well, here's your answer. From favorite to least favorite. (if I missed anyone important, please tell me! I'm not sure what my criteria was for picking these characters and not others.)

Sirius
Snape
Harry
Lupin
Hermione
Fred&George
Neville
Ron
Dumbledore
Luna
Molly
Tonks
Arthur
McGonagall
Ginny
Hagrid
Bill
Charlie
Percy
Draco
Lucius
Fleur

Restlessness

Sleep onset insomnia: when you have difficulty falling asleep. This is the newest fun aspect of my life. For the past few months (aside from one week where I was sick and pounding the Benadryl every night), I can not fall asleep. I stay awake until ridiculous hours of the night, only to be surprised when I oversleep come morning. And the time I can fall asleep keeps pushing itself later and later. I was pretty good at the go-to-sleep-around-midnight thing for a good while. Then it started to stretch to 1, 2, 2:30...and now we're up to 3 or 4. It's great socially on the weekends, but other than that, it sucks. Saturday morning, I woke up at 11:45. 11:45! From the girl that used to bound out of bed at 8:30 (without an alarm!) on the weekends, feeling refreshed and eager to start the day.
The thing about the insomnia is that even though it's every night, I can't bear to incorporate the extra time into my day. So I do useless, unproductive things from 9 o'clock on, thinking it's only a couple hours before I go to sleep. But it's 6. 6 hours that I could devote to learning another language, cleaning my apartment, reading the stack of magazines that has piled up in the living room...but, alas. I sit in front of the computer and tell myself this is the night I will put myself to bed at 11, or even 12, and fall asleep quickly. And I can't do it. I'm so alert. It's only in the past week or so that I've toyed with the idea of taking something. I knew when I was taking all the cold medicine that I had to stop sometime. The last "happy" happy hour I had, I fell asleep at a reasonable time. However, I'm more keen on the idea of taking Tylenol PM than I am with drinking myself to sleep every night.
Admittedly, I am not doing everything I can. I don't detach myself from reading or media for the recommended 30 minutes before going to bed. My bedroom is not a haven of relaxation, what with the 4 baskets + 1 giant hamper of clothes that I haven't gotten around to folding, not to mention the dirty things on the floor or the folded clothes that I've stacked in neat piles throughout the room. I don't always avoid caffeine at night. I definitely don't avoid nicotine. In fact, I'm smoking more and more like a chimney every day. So do I have any right to complain? Is it so wrong to expect being able to sleep when I need it?
With the exhaustion has come a complete lack of motivation for doing anything other than sitting around with JP and Tim every night. I can be social on occasion, but I'm relieved to go home and just sit at the end of the night. Surprisingly, I'm not all that interested in TV, either. Last year you couldn't pry me away and now I have to convince myself to watch an episode. My head is just as full of thoughts and ideas as before, but I neglect my blog in favor of youtube videos with fan art montages. About as mindless as it comes.
Robert Frost knows what I mean.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep/But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep/And miles to go before I sleep."

No babies!

I turned 26 years old on Saturday, October 13, 2007. Turning 26 has brought some interesting points to the forefront, mostly regarding procreation and my lack thereof. I can no longer use the excuse "we're too young" or "we only just got married". So since I still don't want to have children (at this age, at least), I need a new excuse. The reasons why I don't want to have children are entirely immature and selfish:

• I don't want to give up binge drinking for 9 months.
• I don't want to be pregnant for the 2 weddings I'm in this spring, especially since I have already bought gorgeous dresses for them.
• I have no desire to spend my used-to-be-free-time caring for another completely helpless individual.
• I like our office just the way it is.
• I like sushi.
• I like going where I want, when I want.
• I like our financial situation at the moment.

And on and on. Somehow, "I like sushi" doesn't seem like a valid reason to state aloud. And I can just imagine the look on some extended family members' faces were I to tell them I'm too immature and selfish. On second thought, I think I'll go for that. That should shut 'em up.

I'm possibly the least nerdy of them all.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Literature Nerd
Drama Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

"There are places I remember/All my life/Though some have changed..."

I have had the very disconcerting experience of seeing two pictures in the past two days of places where I spent a lot of my time years and years ago. Places that I haven't seen since then.

One was of the door of my apartment in Barcelona. Tim and Alecia were recently there, and I very nicely asked them to stop by and take a pic for me. They were more than happy to trade my Barcelona knowledge for this request. I could see in the door, into the vestibule/foyer/lobby part. I could see the mailboxes on the table that I walked past every day for 9 months. I could see the three stairs that you have to go up before turning right to get into the elevator. The very tiny elevator that has a door you have to close yourself. I remember being there, but I hadn't retraced my steps this way in a long time. I was shocked at how much I remembered, and how clear it all was.

Earlier today, I was MySpace stalking someone (I know, I know, I can't help it.). They happened to have gone to Dickinson College, where I spent two summers at CTY (smart kid camp). CTY was actually an experience that hugely defined who I am now. It was the first place where being smart and not being preppy was cool. Pretty eye-opening to a 14 year old. It was the inspiration for all of my future nonconformity. Being that I was only 14, I don't have many specific memories of CTY or my summers there. I don't talk to anyone who was there with me. Yet, I found this picture of a girl in front of a building on Dickinson's campus, and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I REMEMBER that place. The porch in front, the stairs where we would hang out, and the trees that we sat under. I know what the staircases look like inside, know where my class was in there. I remember old pictures that I have of people whose names I don't know anymore from outside that building.

If you had ever asked me if I remembered this, I would have denied it. How can one picture unlock all that? What else is stored in my head that is inaccessible now, but could, at any moment, be thrust to the forefront and make me feel this vaguely uncomfortable longing for the days of yore?

Hot women in politics! Awesome!

Yulia Tymoshenko
She's the former prime minister of Ukraine. And gorgeous to boot!

How would Jesus park?

I think I really love this idea.

Take that, hypocrites!

In my own defense...

Do you see the similarity? Now do you understand the obsession?

I don't know where to start

It's been awhile, huh? Life goes on, of course. Things change. Here's a stream of consciousness of lately:

• I have been listening to music almost constantly for the past couple weeks. This is abnormal for me. I usually reserve music for cleaning, background when people are over, or the car. Lately, my iPod is shoved in my back pocket more often than not.
  
• I LOVE the latest Nellie McKay album - 'Pretty Little Head'. Especially her song with Cyndi Lauper, 'Beecharmer'. I haven't been this obsessed with one particular album in such a long time. It's practically the only thing I've been listening to for the past 4 days, on a loop. If you don't know her, just go ahead and buy both albums. You won't regret it.
  
• I also love getting to wear long sleeves occasionally lately. Nights have been so nice and cool, days manageably warm.
  
• Today is JP and I's 7 year anniversary. I'm constantly amazed how much we can change and grow and still stay so close. Thinking about us in the past always makes me smile. It took a lot to get here. The trip was awesome, and the destination seems to be, too.
  
• DVR is one of the best things to ever happen to a TV-obsessed girl. Only inferior to TV on DVD.
• Heroes is just so freakin' amazing. How DO you stop an exploding man? (Oh, and no spoilers please. We have 6 episodes left in the first season. Let's talk about it next week. I'll be all caught up by then.)
  
• In 19 days, I'll be 26. That seems old enough to get rid of my fear of procreating, but yet, it's still there.
  
• Tim (Scott) and Alecia are in Barcelona right now, and it's breaking my heart. At least I'll get some Spanish Camel Lights out of the deal.
• A clean kitchen is one of the most happy-making things for me.
  
• Tim (Notari) and Jenn moved downstairs and across the hall. Tim works with me at interACT now. We spend evenings watching Heroes or playing Guitar Hero. If I don't see him for more than 12 hours, I miss him.
  
• I have been reading 19th century poetry lately and loving it.
  
• After driving the fucking awful Stratus for 5 (FIVE!) weeks, my car is back in my possession and it's perfect and gorgeous. Except that I lost a bumper sticker in the process. I think after all the toying with my heart the body shop did, they should pay me for emotional suffering AND the bumper sticker.
• We are having what has been dubbed "Fun Friday" talks at work. This means in the afternoon, one of us gives a presentation (about 1/2 hour or so) of something that is completely unrelated to work. My turn is this Friday and I'm terrified. I volunteered to teach a lab full of techies to knit (with chopsticks, no less). What was I thinking?
• I have, regretfully, been completely out of touch with current events lately. I need to start incorporating news into my daily life...maybe NPR podcasts while cooking or something? How do y'all do it?
• Vets are expensive, but when my kitties have something wrong with them, I don't bat an eye at any price. I don't even complain about it. (They're both more or less fine, btw. Odessa has some weird bald patches on her that are currently being diagnosed and treated. They don't seem to bother her; I'm just paranoid about their health.)
  
• Things are up in the air with some stuff at work and it's driving me nuts. I need some sort of resolution and soon. It's been over a month...
  
• JP is sick and has been for about a week. I have managed to dodge this one, even though practically everyone else we know has gotten it. (knock on wood)
• I have reverted to a former habit full force, and I've found I like the recession.
• I have not been able to drink since Labor Day weekend. We went to Julie and Shawn's wedding and I overdid it - more so than ever before. My body has not forgiven me and is currently rejecting alcohol. I'm worried this is permanent. It's been 3 weeks now.
  
• I am still obsessed with many things Harry Potter, and re-reading Deathly Hallows again.
• Man, I love Diet Coke.
• My favorite blogger is on vacation for a week, and it's actually making me quite sad that there are no posts this week.
• I managed to find and buy three different pairs of jeans that fit me. It was amazing.
  

I think that's about it. Fairly banal, but life's like that, you know?

Still wallowing...

...but I'm pleased to know I'm famous in Long Island. Yay Freya Road!

Sorry...

about the lack of updates. Life is busy as always, but mostly I've been writing something else and it's substituted itself for the blog at the moment. Writing is incredibly cathartic to me and I've been wanting to focus on the other project.
I know I owe you part two of 'Mawwiage' (and it's gonna be great, I promise...there may even be some deflowering!) and a lakehouse entry, too. I also have my super-long-super-detailed Deathly Hallows review to write.

But for now I'm going to wallow in self-pity that summer is over and my husband is yet again snatched from my grasp and concentrate on some fiction. It's not necessarily cheery, but at least I can control what's going to happen!

Car karma

Yes, it's come back to bite me in the ass yet again.

When I left for State College last Friday, I left my house keys with JP for some reason. I had totally forgotten this until he reminded me and he graciously agreed to go to my car, which was parked near the busway, and put them in there so I could get home while he was at kung fu with his father. I had forgotten to tell him that I was parked not at the Park&Ride, but on a side street. So he calls me and asks where it is. I'm directing him, and he sees my car. He asks, "Did you park on the sidewalk?", and I'm a little confused. I guess there's a chance that I had gone up the curb, but...

He hands the phone over to Joe and I say to Joe, "Maybe I forgot to put my parking brake on, and it drifted onto the curb?" He falls silent. I hear "It's not ok." So Joe tells me that my car is indeed smashed up, and they will skip kung fu to call the police. I immediately leave the office and run to the bus stop, thinking "Not my car, not my car, not my car...please not my car...I love that car..." Get on the bus. Get off the bus. Run down to my car.

Sadness. Random guy in big truck was trying to pull out of the water authority's parking lot and hit me. I know this because he did call the police, although I'm getting tired of everyone praising this guy for doing the decent, legal thing. Once I upload them, I'll put up pictures, but essentially my entire front quarter panel has been ripped in half and smashed against the wheel. He also got the rear quarter panel, also smashed against the back wheel. So hopefully this won't cost me anything other than the time I've had to invest. Oh, and the fucking gas money I need to have to get my rental around. Right now, I am driving THIS:



Enterprise didn't have any actual cars this morning when I called. They told me my choices were a pickup truck or a GMC Envoy, which is the largest SUV ever. I asked when I could have an actual car. They told me 2pm.

Sooo, 2 rolls around and I go to Enterprise. No cars. They offer to drive to a local dealership to borrow one. Yes, please! They come back and tell me that is the smallest they can manage. Are you joking? It gets...wait for it...22 mpg on the HIGHWAY. My car gets that in stop and go traffic. My other choice is to wait until Monday. Grrrrrrr.

So I drive the monster to Oakland and manage to parallel park it. Shannon has written a nicely worded note for me to put on it:

"Dear fellow environmentally concious citizens,
I am not an eco-terrorist, someone smashed my earth friendly car and I have to drive this gas guzzler around for awhile. It is a rental, and I assure you I am not a republican.
Love, Freya"

Oh, and the best part? My insurance adjuster calls me to tell me that I still have to pay my deductible, but they'll be happy to work hard for me to get it back from the other insurance company. Uh-huh. And how long will that $1,000 collect interest on my credit card while you work hard to do that? Anyone have a spare $1,000 cash at the moment? Yeah, us either.

UPDATE: Enterprise called me. They have a smaller car. Can I drive back to switch them? Um, no. I just left work for an hour to come there the first time. Not doing it again. But I have to trade it in. My insurance doesn't pay for the free upgrade they gave me. So they volunteer to come to me. Fine. They show up at my parking spot, hand me a Stratus and leave with the big honking thing.
Is it regular practice for them to inconvenience their customers so much? This is ridiculous. I'M THE GODDAMN VICTIM HERE.

p.s. I'll post part 2 of the other wedding entry at some future point. I'm too pissed to write anything now.

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togever today. (part 1)

Many months, hundreds of dollars, hours of work, and 5 blisters later, it's done. Kathleen is married now.

On Friday, I drove up to State College to start my responsibilities for the wedding weekend. The drive sucked (does anyone remember a time in which there wasn't massive construction on 22?) and took about an hour longer than expected. This left me with enough time to check into the hotel, change into my dress, and get down to the lobby to meet everyone else and go to rehearsal. Rehearsal was semi-chaotic, but we figured things out and went to dinner. Dinner was uneventful, but involved a fair amount of drinking. Drinking always leads to more drinking, so we all decided to head back to the hotel and meet at the Mad Mex that is in the lobby. This is when things got interesting.

At this point, we had all the bridesmaids, 2 groomsmen (brothers of the bride), an uncle, a cousin, the father of the bride, various significant others, and the bride. I spent most of my time at Mad Mex talking to Kathleen's uncle, Fritz, about business models of for-profit vs. non-profits. Even when inebriated, my inner geek cannot help but shine through. At one point Fritz looked at me and said, "If I'm boring the hell out of you, just tell me." I think he was surprised when I reassured him that I was not bored in the slightest. Intelligently enough, the bride left around 10:30 and the rest of us decided to continue to the Saloon, where I was promised pitchers full of girly drinks.

I don't believe in paying a cover to get into a bar in which I then pay money to drink. I find it to be ridiculous and insulting. I don't believe in waiting in line to do this, either. We had to do both at the Saloon, and I had to go along with the crowd. The pitchers of girly drinks were beyond my expectations. I watched the guy grab 3 bottles of liquor and just start to dump them in...a couple blasts of soda/juice and we were set. I drank a glass and a half of this and danced my ass off before I realized I was going to be in bad shape if I didn't get myself back to bed soon. I tried to walk myself home, but was flatly denied and told an awful story of some girl who disappeared and was never found. So Jon (Kathleen's brother) and Dawn (a bridesmaid) walked me back. Jon got me ice once we got back to my room and once I convinced them I could make it on my own, they left. I drunk dialed Josh and have no idea what I said or what we talked about. Then I called JP and repeated the same scenario. I fell asleep.

We needed to meet for breakfast around 10, and I woke up at 8:45 unable to fall back asleep, but decently hungover. I managed to shower and get myself downstairs to meet everyone, who was in even worse shape. They had closed the bars. Breakfast was uneventful, followed by the rest of the bridesmaids getting their hair done. Since I wasn't, I hung out for a moment at the salon. Long enough for Kathleen to tell us that she hadn't written her vows yet. Her cousin Brooke looks at her agape, and I purposely keep my face expressionless. Kathleen looks at me and says, "Brooke, look at Freya. That's what I need - the calm face."

So I go back to the hotel to get ready. Kathleen called me frantic, Brooke needed something from WalMart, could I go? Of course! I manage to also buy myself an adorable Guinness tote...and some cava on the way back to try to ease myself back into drinking. After drinking half the bottle, it was time to meet everyone to go get ready in Kathleen's mom's room. I'm walking out to Anne's (another bridesmaid) car, holding my dress and all my other crap. Anne looks at me, stricken. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me her dress was a different color.

?!?!?!

Victorian lilac, right? she asks. Lilac, I say. Just lilac. Kathleen is watching this whole scene unfold, and I'm trying to keep 'calm face'. Nothing we can do about it now. At least Victorian lilac is a shade of purple. It's not like her dress was yellow or anything.

Getting ready was fairly easy. Since Kathleen's mom was staying in a shmancy hotel, I managed to convince dining services to send us up champagne flutes and a platter for all the cheese and crackers I bought. So we munched and drank and put on makeup and dresses and all that. Time to go!

The somebody game

Case in point, here's a recent hilarious Gmail chat conversation I had with Tim:
(Background: last night at happy hour, I was DD. I ditched this job not by drinking, but by wanting to leave after 4 hours. Tim volunteered to drive JP home. Their night continued.)

Tim: yay to 5
me: yes, well, some people don't leave at 5
Tim: well some people have to be at work at a certain time!
me: lol
some people couldn't fall asleep until 3 last night!
Tim: somebody should have drank more lastnight!
me: somebody had to drive the car home last night!
this is fun
Tim: somebody drove their car home drunk anyways!
because SOMEBODY didn't drink more
!!
me: somebody should've laid off the shots!
Tim: somebody should have beat that somebody about the head and neck for attempting the shots and having to take somebodies boyfriend home later on said shots!
me: somebody should remember that he's my husband now!
Tim: somebody is horribly sorry!
me: lol
ok
Tim: [frown]
are we done?
me: yes
let's be friends again
Tim: lol
ok as long as we do it again someday
i like the somebody game
me: I think I do too

Dark showers

I want to clear something up before you read this post. You might think we're weird, but JP and I take 90% of our showers together. Not in a sexual way! In a here's-an-extra-20-minutes-to-talk-in-the-morning way. This has been happening since the dawn of JP and Freya when JP would have to run into the boys showers at Lothrop, make sure no one was in there, and then quickly gesture for me to run in. The ONE time I showered by myself in Lothrop, the RA caught me. See? Always have a shower buddy.

Moving along...

It's really fucking hot. And humid. And miserable. I wish it would snow. No, seriously. I'm done with summer. No more temperatures higher than 80, ever again. Right now? 89 degrees, feels like 100. 65% humidity. Are you joking? That's not weather, that's torture. We have one A/C window unit that's in the dining room which helps keep most of the apartment tolerable, but the bedroom is terrible. I haven't been sleeping well (which I'm not sure has to do with the heat, but that's another story altogether) and so, late at night, we've been showering. Very cool showers in the dark, just hanging out. It's so bizarre, showering in the dark. Did I manage to get suds all over my shins? Is that shampoo or face wash? Oh, and save the shaving for the morning, unless you're willing to be strangely patched with hair and/or bleeding profusely on your sheets. The minor inconveniences aside, I've discovered that the dark shower is something that I absolutely adore. I heartily recommend it. And always have a shower buddy.

Very upsetting

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 33 You will be killed when the chimpanzee's rise up and take control of the planet Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

the Gmail revolution

It's been a little over a year since I opened my Gmail account. My life has changed so much because of this. I have an entirely different perspective on email and the internet at large. There are certainly technological aspects of it that have affected me as well, but this entry is all about the cultural and social implications.

Every morning when I come into work, the first thing I do is open Gmail. This window stays open the entire time I am in the office (unless there's some sort of freeze or other technical reason to close it. but it's the first thing reopened!).

Where I used to work, I had work email, using Outlook. JP and I would probably send about 5-6 emails a day to each other, almost none of them longer than a line or two. Enter chat capabilities! If I have a quick question, I don't have to type in who it's to, decide on a subject, write my message, sign it, and send it. Now it's *click*, type, enter. *click*! "Shannon and Will, wanna come to dinner?" *click*! "Silent Bob, are you coming to happy hour?". Things that I would've waited to know, can be immediately answered. I may not see Shannon but once a week, but I know what she did every other day that week from our daily chats.

But, by far, my favorite Gmail feature is the status message. Feeling witty? Let the world know! Have an inside joke you want others to ask you about? Make it a confusing status message and someone's bound to ask you! Having a bad day? Put that there, and people will rally (once they get the chance) to cheer you up. It's an amazing, powerful thing. Share your newest favorite link! Did Zac say something hilarious? Post it for the world to see. Tim misspelled "lead", "led"? We can all laugh at him together! Should JP be on, but he's not? Write "Where's JP?" and wait for an answer! Confused about Excel formulas? Ask the question and see who responds.
Today, Shannon and I had the following (partial) chat conversation:

Shan: are you invisible or something?
me: yes. I can't even see me.

While I had no idea what she was talking about, it was damn funny. Funny enough that I wanted us all to laugh. It's my current status message.

While those might all sound like a great, great use for the status message, we haven't even gotten to the best part: the syncing/battling of status messages.
On the day of the California primary last election day, Brett popped up on Gmail. In order to rouse his anger, I changed my message to "My vote canceled Brett's vote!" Upon seeing this, JP felt the need to contribute something like "And my vote one ups Brett's!", Shannon wrote something like, "Pssst, Brett's a Republican!", and Zac topped it off with "Brett smells." Being in 5 separate places, yet each being able to give Brett shit at once was amazing. It happened again today. Tuesday happy hours spark much discussion - Who's coming? When? What's my first drink going to be? Will Genevieve be there? Today was no exception. Only most of the talking was through status messages: Silent Bob - "Is it time to drink yet?", Tim - "Happy Hourless blues", LeeAnn - "happy hour?", and me - "I know it's happy hour somewhere right now, but why can't it be here, for me?". I know everyone's right there with me, waiting for 5:30. It makes me feel happy and warm and connected.

Although, the warm part may be because the AC is broken in the office.

Um...no.

Sorry if you don't know who your baby's daddy is, but you'll have to figure it out and get him to sign a permission form for you to have an abortion. Oh, and if it was rape or incest? Yeah, you have file a police report to go through with it.

Have fun with that!

Bridges collapsing...what's next? Strange mist, high-profile murders?

Is it totally ridiculous that when I heard about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis, I immediately thought, "Voldemort!"?

Seriously, if it gets unnaturally misty, JP and I are getting the fuck outta Dodge and heading to Hogwarts.

Yes, it says 'Delicious' across my chest.

I spent this last weekend in Philly for Kathleen's bachelorette party. While I absolutely loved going out and dancing with girls, there were some not-so-fun aspects of the evening.

First of all, have you ever seen 'Mean Girls'? You know that scene where they all stand in front of a mirror and criticize their bodies? Well, it happened. There was no mirror involved, but someone made a self-deprecating remark about their body that morphed into a full out bonding session on how imperfect we all are. I actually left the room because I was so upset. Why, WHY, do we think that we should bond over the fact that none of us are Heidi Klum? How is belittling ourselves in any way helpful? Every girl there was gorgeous in her own way. We turned heads when we went out and we all looked great. What is it about degrading ourselves that we find reassuring? Is it just so we know everyone has their own insecurities? I have, upon occasion, made some random complaint about my appearance. I'm sure we all have. But the encouraging of perfectly beautiful women to list and obsess about their faults makes me feel indescribably sad. I wanted to hug them all and let them know that being the blonde that every guy wants to grope at the club is not necessarily the best lot in life either.

Speaking of groping...


As you can see from the pic, we all had matching hot pink wife beaters that said 'Delicious' across the chest in silver script. The back said 'Yum'. The shirts were absolutely adorable, but I should've realized that wearing a tank top, black skirt, and boots meant that you can touch me. I'm not talking about grabbing my ass on the dance floor (not that I think that's all right, either, mind you...). I'm talking about the guy who came up to us, talked to my chest (which, being built the way I am, has NEVER happened to me before), and then proceeded to TRAIL HIS FINGER ACROSS MY BREASTS. I slapped his hand away and Kathleen's cousin flipped out, telling him I was her lesbian lover and that she would kick the shit out of him if he touched me again. He made some more remarks about how hot we were and then licked his lips and walked away.

Now, by this time I had been dancing for several hours. I probably had sweat pouring off my face. However, I have NEVER felt dirtier than when this random guy touched me. Would he have done it if I were wearing jeans? I'm guessing not.

The worst part is, I was completely prepared for something of the sort to happen. How sad is that? Knowing that wearing a skirt and boots makes guys think it's ok to touch you? Or was it the 'Delicious' that I so proudly wore on my chest? Either way, I'm glad that bachelorette parties are few and far between. I couldn't stomach that on a more regular basis.

You know it's a good happy hour when...

You're lying in bed later, the room is spinning, and your husband informs you that you enlightened your friends that "Everyone has nipples!" and then proceeded to tweak his.

Oh, the self control of an almost 26 year old.

Perfectus

[No spoilers here, I promise!]

Latin, meaning finished, done, completed. And so it is. The last Harry Potter book has been completed by both JK Rowling and myself.

I'm going to write an entire superlong review once I've finished it again. At the moment, I am only going to share my immediate impressions.

Sadness for the deaths, which were more than expected. "...not a bloodbath...", she said. I'm not so sure.

Joy for the redemptions - there were plenty.

Confusion for the holes, which are starting to fill in the more I talk to people.

Bittersweet for a special moment (pages 698-700).

And overwhelmingly, not disappointed. It was such a good trip, so much fun to be so impassioned. To spend so much time proposing theories, reading others' theories, wondering always what it would come down to. And now I know.

Christmas in July!!!!

less than 24 hours!
It's like Christmas when you're 5. only more nerve-wracking, because you're not expecting people to die on Christmas.

continuing with the theme...

I know, I know. another entry about Harry Potter? I just can't help it! I can't think of anything else right now (except for my un-wellness of the moment, and that's far less interesting to think about), so I'll enlighten you with a hilarious tale.
Lately, I have been reading Harry Potter porn-fic to satisfy my Harry Potter cravings. Most of them are quite amusing, some are well-written, and many of them explore topics and pairings that I don't want to think about. Luckily, they do tell you who's in each story. So if you don't want to read the one about Hagrid/Buckbeak (ahhhhhh!!!), you know not to open it (thank God for small favors, huh??). I stumbled across an absolutely ridiculous tale last night that I just have to share...

It's present day (ish) at Hogwarts. Snape is Potions master, Lupin is doing something at Hogwarts and living there, and Sirius is on house arrest (at Hogwarts) pending his re-trial. Harry and Draco get into some kind of altercation during Potions, and Draco throws a Hermaphrodite Spell at Harry, but misses and hits Snape. Snape now possesses both female and male bits.
Meanwhile, Snape and Sirius have been having some sort of "I hate you, let's have sex" affair for a while now. So Sirius has sex with Snape's girly parts. Lupin realizes that he has always wanted Snape and decides to make his move. He also attends to the girl parts.


Snape gets pregnant.


Ok, it's almost worth reading this entire super long story just for the scene in which Snape has to ask Dumbledore for maternity leave. Or when he tells Voldemort he can't be evil for awhile.
Anyways, both Sirius and Lupin figure it out on their own, and both realize that it has to be Sirius's because werewolves are sterile in both human and wolf form. But of course Sirius has no desire to be a father to Snape's child, and Lupin wants a family, so he decides to go and confess his love. Snape is kind of standoffish, but finally admits that he is also in love with Lupin. Dumbledore sends Snape 2 rings and tells him to propose to Lupin, which he doesn't do. Snape goes into labor during the full moon, and wolf Lupin disapparates to him. Sirius follows to try and control Lupin and Snape has a baby girl, whom everyone loves.

Heartwarming, really.

ok, I admit it

after re-watching 'Order of the Phoenix' on Sunday, I came to a startling conclusion. I think I might think Gary Oldman is hot.

I definitely thought he was hot in 'Dracula'. I just assumed I had a thing for vampires. And now I find out that I'm also in love with Sirius Black. It doesn't make it any easier considering that Sirius is my favorite Harry Potter character. I was pondering why it didn't occur to me earlier, and then I realized he was really dirty in 'Prisoner' and only ever a head in the fire in 'Goblet'. now that he's wearing crushed velvet and you can see all his tattoos? damn.

I wouldn't be so freaked out if he wasn't THE SAME AGE AS MY PARENTS.
oh, well. I do know someone who has a thing for Steve Buscemi. that might be weirder.

obsession

WARNING: spoilers again! if you haven't read up to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, you should not read this!

I've been waiting for this moment for over 5 years now. the last Harry Potter book comes out on Saturday, July 21st. I'll be at Pitt's bookstore at midnight to get my copy. I'll spend the weekend reading it. I really don't want to go out. I don't want to have to eat. I want to read.
I've already got butterflies. I can't think of anything else. I feel totally useless. I can't concentrate. I don't want to do anything except read about it, watch the movies again, read the books, whatever. I want to reminisce with others and propose theories, however outlandish they may be. I'm counting down the days and hours. this entire week will be devoted to Harry Potter.
when I read Harry Potters, it is an all-consuming thing for me. I always want to continue reading. every time I'm forced to put the book down, I think longingly of the next time I get to pick it up. over the past month, I have read all the books and watched all of the movies. I even read Order and Half-Blood Prince twice. and yesterday, I went to see 'Order' for the second time. and I'm still not satisfied. I'm thinking about picking up HBP again.

in order to not be disappointed, I want the following to happen in the book:
- Snape: good or evil? I'd really like to be vindicated and have him be evil. I've always hated the guy, even if others (ahem, SHANNON, JP) haven't and have even defended him!
- Ron and Hermione: I know it's cheesy, but I want them to end up together.
- Harry and Ginny: the same. I need to stop reading romance novels. it makes me expect too much.
- the Dursley's: some redemption on their part. at least Aunt Petunia.
- Lupin and Tonks: don't kill one of them and not the other, please? I'd like at least one relationship to hope for.
- DON'T KILL HARRY: please. it's really all I ask. I'll give up all my other hopes if you'd just keep him alive.
- OR HERMIONE OR RON: let the 3 live. having any of them live without one another would be torturous.
- KILL VOLDEMORT: c'mon...you know you want to.
- Sirius: I want him back. in whatever form is fine! just give me more Sirius. more! I miss him so much.
- Let Neville shine: don't make him screw anything up in this book. we know he's capable now. hopefully, he's the one that ends up as a teacher at Hogwart's.
- Draco: he's a little shit, but I can see the possibility for redemption. let him redeem himself, but die in the process. that's fine with me.
- no "heaven" scenes: my God, if you DO kill Harry, please don't give us some awful heaven scene where he's reunited with his parents, Sirius, and Dumbledore. it makes me queasy to think about that.
- tell me more, tell me more: 1) about Lily and James and the original Order! 2) about Dumbledore's past! 3) about R.A.B (Regulus, as far as I'm concerned)
- some sort of epilogue-y wrap up: give me professions, marriages, children, etc. and then please sell the rights to your world and SOMEONE write prequels/sequels.

I hope I can get through this week. I'm afraid by Wednesday or Thursday that I may be in a corner, hugging my knees and rocking, saying "don't kill Harry! please? don't let him die! don't end the book! NOOOOOOOoooooooo!"

anyone got some Xanax? I haven't been this freaked out since my wedding.

this is why I'm not a movie critic

WARNING: this entry is filled with spoilers for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. if you have never read the book nor seen the movie, under no circumstance should you read this. if you have read the book, and you want to experience the movie without knowing things about it, stop reading. this is going to be my one-woman rant fest.

before you start, I KNOW that there is no way a book of 870 pages can become a movie of 138 minutes. that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to be disappointed anyway. I also know that detaching myself from the book would make this a better movie. but I just can't do that.

I've divided my comments into categories:
1) gone - things that did not show up in the movie that were in the book. this is where my complaints are the weakest, because something's gotta give when long books are turned into motion pictures. however, eliminating things that are important later on is not good.
2) changed - I find these to be the most unforgivable things when books are converted to movies. for the most part, there is no reason to do this. that fills me with rage.
3) wanted more - things that were great but there just wasn't enough!
4) loved - things that were just all-around impressive.

we'll start with Gone.
- Cleaning 12 Grimmauld Place: nope, doesn't happen. Mrs. Black doesn't really scream either...you hear an occasional mumbling in the hall while they're there.
- Dumbledore as the secret keeper: No note for Harry to find out about headquarters. Isn't that going to be important later on?
- Snuffles sighting: Malfoy never hints that he saw Sirius at the train station.
- Quidditch: there is no quidditch in the movie. none at all. no lifelong ban for Harry and the twins, no confiscation of brooms, no punching of Malfoy. I think even more importantly is the elimination of Ron's role in all this.
- Prefects: no mention of Malfoy, Ron, or Hermione being prefects and Harry being upset. once again, Ron misses any glory he might have had and comes off as comic relief.
- Dobby: nonexistent. Neville finds the Room of Requirement for them.
- Hospital: Mr. Weasley is injured, but no one ever goes to St. Mungo's. see how they worked that into the plot under 'changes'.
- Sirius's mirror: doesn't appear. at all. I remember JK saying that would be important later on, so how are they going to explain that?
- Hogsmeade with Cho: nope!
- Rita Skeeter's article: no mention whatsoever.
- Harry's conversation with Lupin and Sirius about his dad: nope, doesn't happen. see why below.
- Swamp: when the twins make their exit, it's just with the fireworks. there is no swamp.
- Career advice: gone. and too bad! I really wanted to see McGonagall tell Umbridge and Harry that she would make sure he became an Auror.
- Firenze: also nonexistent.
- Hagrid's dismissal: never happens. there's no stunning of McGonagall either, which means Harry tries to contact Sirius through Umbridge's fire even though he could've gone straight to her.
- Department of Mysteries: there are only 2 rooms that we see in the Department of Mysteries - the Hall of Prophecies and the Amphitheatre. so no brains, no time trapped in glass.
- Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe's acting abilities: seriously, they were wooden and awful most of the time. what happened?

Changed
- original Order picture: Sirius gives Harry the picture instead of Moody. why?
- Harry's speeches: during DA meetings, Harry is so encouraging and preachy, it's almost intolerable. if they had just kept the original dialogue, it would've been fine.
- Dumbledore's attitude: Harry thinks Dumbledore is avoiding him in the book. in the movie, Harry does things like shout and run after him and Dumbledore ignores him. nice and subtle, really. the movie is rated PG-13...you would think they'd assume we could infer some things by the age of 13.
- Seamus yelling at Harry: he does it in the common room in front of everyone.
- Occlumency: after Harry sees Mr. Weasley hurt by the snake, Snape IMMEDIATELY gives him Occlumency lessons. that night. Dumbledore says something like, "It may already be too late!"
- Neville's family secret: since they don't see Neville visiting his parents at the hospital, no one knows about his parents. until Neville confesses it to Harry and says, "I'm proud to be their son, but I'm not ready for everyone to know yet." blecccchh.
- Snape's worst memory: Harry gains this not by rebelliously invading the Pensieve, but by managing to practice Legillmency during an Occlumency lesson. there is very little about the 4 boys at all, certainly nothing that would make Harry feel betrayed and awful about his dad. and I never thought I would defend Snape, but c'mon. if Occlumency is so freakin' important, why would Snape cancel lessons because Harry saw a memory with virtually no details whatsoever?
- Cho's friend Marietta: nonexistent, so Cho becomes the snitch. only she doesn't get SNEAK pimples and later they found out that it was only because Umbridge forced her to drink Veritaserum. whaaa? why??
- Umbridge's office: while Harry and Hermione are taking Umbridge into the woods, Ron, Luna, Ginny, and Neville manage to escape from the Slytherins. in the book, they do this by jinxing them, using all the things Harry has been teaching them this whole year. in the movie, they feed them Puking Pastilles. neither in the book nor the movie does this happen on-screen. it's a one line explanation. since the whole point of the book is to show how powerful the kids are getting, why would you change one line of dialogue and make them out to be wimpier?
- Weird misty thing: at the Ministry, suddenly all the adult witches and wizards could be some sort of weird mist and float around. that's...not right.
- "James": while fighting at the Ministry, Harry and Sirius are standing next to each other. Harry sends off an effective Expelliarmus jinx and Sirius says, "Nice one, James!". this filled me with rage. RAGE. I was walking down the street today thinking about it, and realized that my fists were clenched. while there were clues in the book about Sirius essentially thinking of Harry as a replacement for James, I was never under the impression we were supposed to think that he was honestly confused about who was who! how dare you besmirch Sirius in this way! and right before he dies, too. so all you think is, "gee, the crazy man is dead. too bad."
- Sirius's death: instead of being Stunned and then falling through the veil, Bellatrix hits him with Avada Kedavra and then he falls through. I mean, why not? why not just completely change something because you can?
- Daniel Radcliffe: he grew up. that made me think Harry Potter was kind of hot. that's not allowed.

Wanted More!
- Tonks: she was spot on, physically. I just wish she could've been more involved.
- Lupin: sadly, not much of him either.
- Bellatrix: she was wonderfully evil. apparently they filmed a lot more with her than made it into the movie, so hopefully we'll get that on the DVD.

LOVED
- Harry's flight from Privet Drive: I got goosebumps when they were flying over the Thames. it was so good. so good.
- Harry and Sirius: every scene they did together was so heart wrenchingly, bittersweetly wonderful. I got choked up every time.
-Umbridge's office: the kitten plates were absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud every time they were in her office.
- Harry's angst: man, was he pissy. I loved it, it was just like in the books.
- "I may vomit": Snape's line when he saw Harry's very happy memory of seeing Sirius for the first time when arriving at Grimmauld Place. it didn't exist in the book, but it was very amusing and such a good Snape line that I think JK should consider putting out a revised edition with it in it.
- Ginny: they gave some intense hints about how powerful she's going to be later, which I think will be very, very important. and they did it well.
- Lucius Malfoy: what an evil motherfucker. that guy is a GOOD actor.
- Fight at the Ministry: yes, they changed some things. but I still got goosebumps and a rush of excited relief when the Order burst into the Amphitheatre at the end. I had to remind myself not to cheer out loud. so, so cool.

Ginny! Yay!

Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!

wow...harsh!

when JP and I got engaged, there was much discussion about changing my name. I was open to many ideas, some of which were immediately dismissed by him (both of us adopting a new last name, him taking my name) and another that was quickly dismissed by me (hyphenation - have you ever tried to alphabetize hyphenated names?? it's pure chaos!). so I finally decided to just go ahead and change my name. I figured the people who thought I was giving up a part of my identity or not a strong enough woman to keep my maiden name obviously didn't know me. I also didn't want to deal with the questions of why I didn't want to change my name for the rest of my life. so I happily became a Fridy.
once I had made this decision, JP looks at me and says, "Ha! Now you'll finally know what it's like to have an unpronounceable name!" to which I replied, "Babe, my name is Freya. At least people can pronounce your first name!"
over the years, I've grown to love my name. up until I was 15 or so, I definitely wanted to change it. once I started to meet people who knew its etymology, it was really cool to be Freya! they were always quite impressed. plus it was nice to be unique.
fast forward to the other day, when I come across this site: behind the name. I looked up my name, expecting to get no results. But it was there! 76 people had rated my name based on a little quiz of adjectives that they give you. and people find my name to be:
not so bad, I thought. I checked its popularity, and it was the 23rd most popular name in Wales last year. whooo hoooo!
so then I go to read the comments about my name. some of them are quite nice:

"I think Freya is a beautiful, strong yet feminine name, and I love the mythology that goes with it."

"Awesome name. Don't know why it hasn't been picked up in the States."

but some are terrible! listen to this:

"No offense, but there is something about this name I just don't like. It doesn't even sound pretty. If it was my name I would go for a legal name change."

"Urg, I just don't like this name. It sounds too ... I don't know."

I'm guessing that I don't know these people, but still...I'm very saddened by these comments. Is that what people think when they hear my name?
more importantly, why do I care that some schmuck says? I think it's because throughout my life, if someone said "Freya", it was about me. always! there wasn't ever really another reference. so it feels pretty personal.

I should've been an engineer

it has been hot in Pittsburgh lately. 90 or more for the past 2 days and today is supposed to be pretty sucktastic too. aside from what the heat and humidity do to my hair, I hate even more what it does to my body. I'm hot, and I'm pretty tired of it.
sometimes, I am one to sit around and complain about things. but yesterday, I had initiative, I had drive. I also had a grandmother and a still-recovering-from-knee-surgery mother-in-law coming over. something had to be done.
so I designed this amazingly ingenious air-flow scheme for our apartment (see diagram). using just one window A/C unit (6,100 BTUs), 4 fans (2 window, 2 floor), 3 open windows, 2 closed windows, and my knowledge of moving air, I cooled the apartment by several noticeable degrees once the scheme was in place. I'm thinking about hiring myself out! anyone have a hot place that they'd like to be not-so-hot? I'm available for consultation.

stupidity reigns supreme!

just a moment ago, I got off the phone with someone who works at Loews Waterfront Theatre. this is where we always go if we want to go to a movie premiere, because they have VIP seats, which are assigned and extra comfy. since there are 9 of us trying to go to Harry Potter together next Wednesday, this is helpful and practically necessary. on Fandango, they only list 4 showtimes for that day, and you can't buy VIP seats through them. so I decided to call Loews directly. here's how the conversation went:

10:40 a.m., Thursday, July 5th.
Me: Hi, I was wondering what showtimes you had VIP seats for Harry Potter next Wednesday.
Him: All of our showtimes listed have VIP seats. We only have 4 so far, but we're going to add more shows on Monday.
Me: Ok, cool. Is there any chance that you have 10 seats left for the 7:15 show?
Him: No, we don't have any VIP seats for the 7:15 show.
Me: None?
Him: None.
Me: Ok, what's the earliest I can call on Monday to see showtimes and buy seats?
Him: When we open.
Me: Ok, when's that?
Him: I'd say 11:30, 12ish.
Me: But I'm talking to you right now.
Him: Yeah, I know. But we're not open.
Me: O.....k....., so you open at 11:30?
Him: Somewhere around there.
Me: Thanks.

Seriously, what a fucking idiot.

passive aggressive parking notes

how much fun is it to just really lay into someone who is a total asshole, without actually having to see their face or listen to their response? I must say I have enjoyed it in the past.
last night, JP and I arrived home to find that someone had double parked the bug in. luckily, we are a 2 car household, so had there been some horrid emergency, we could've taken my so-very-close-to-out-of-gas-I-was-afraid-it-wouldn't-start-again car. HOWEVER, it's the principle of the thing. there is plenty of street parking available and it's free! there is no excuse for double parking someone else in.
I went outside to investigate, legal pad in one hand, pen in the other. yep, definitely no way we could've left our spot. are you joking? so I penned the following and left it on the windshield:

"Thank you for parking so that we have no way to get out. That was very considerate of you. I'm just glad there was no emergency and only a desire to leave in OUR CAR! Will you still be here in the morning, or should we make other arrangements to get to work?"

luckily, the car was gone this morning. or I would've happily called the police/apartment management to come tow it away without remorse. if we had actually wanted to leave last night (and I hadn't just lied about it on my note), I would've done it in a heartbeat.

jerk.

Harry Potter!

an ode

Shannon is putting together a wedding website, and has asked us all to contribute something. here goes:

Will was my first close friend at Pitt. We met, we clicked, and we talked for hours sitting on a really uncomfortable cement bench. Through all the craziness of our first year at college, we managed to stay great, great friends. JP and I even adopted him into our families. If we were sleeping in Plum, Will was sleeping in the guest room, with a giant golder retriever inevitably lying on his bladder. Dinner at my parents' meant Will, JP, and Freya. I remember how touched my mother was when she received a Christmas card from Elyse (who you may know is Jewish!) as thanks for feeding her son.

Poor Will had to suffer through some painful set-ups. I had nothing to do with these, as I didn't know any girls I thought were good enough. But he seemed happy enough, and so I didn't try too hard either.

Now, I have always been friends with more boys than girls. Boys tend to be a lot more accepting in general and like the things that I do. Procrastination, laughing, wearing t-shirts, not wearing makeup...that sort of thing. It's much harder to find girls like that. So when a new girl joins the group, my immediate, unconscious reaction is suspicion. Especially if they join as the significant other of someone who you couldn't bear to see hurt.

The hard part is the balance of happiness gained by said person vs. the chances of them being utterly destroyed by said relationship. You just never know. However, sometimes people come along and you just instantly throw caution to the wind. You can't help but be sucked in by their charms and wiles. Such was the case with Shannon.

How could we not immediately accept Shannon? There has never been another person that has so easily slipped into our group. She may not have gained an immediate love of Pantera, but there were other criteria we were looking for. She cooked us dinner. She bought us underagers booze. She laughed and procrastinated and wore t-shirts. She's incredibly non-judgmental and she loves animals. There was hardly anything else we could've hoped for.

I did once try to build Will a girlfriend out of tinfoil, toothpicks, and a very powerful computer. And you know what? Even with my incredibly picky specifications, she didn't come near to what Shannon is. Plus, she was kind of uncomfortable to cuddle with.