Confessions of a Wizard Rock Fangirl

We'll start with the confession portion of this evening. I have two things to tell you.

1) I love wizard rock.

2) I only discovered wizard rock one year ago, on July 25th, 2008, during The Mudbloods, JFF, Whomping Willows, Remus Lupins show in Pittsburgh.

I went to this wizard rock show on a whim, and I was totally amazed by it (of course). I had wanted more friends that were into Harry Potter since Deathly Hallows. Most of my friends had read it; some had even gotten the book at the midnight release with me. By the time we had all read and discussed it, most of them were done. That was just...the end. And I didn't want it to be.

When I went to the show, most people were much younger than I was. The only ones that seemed my age were the bands, so after they were done playing, I went over to talk to them. I ended up talking to Alex Carpenter for a bit and left wanting to know more. Here's part of my blog entry from four days later:

"Being completely oblivious and ignorant can have certain advantages, I suppose. Since going to the Wizard rock show on Friday, I have spent much time listening to and finding Wizard rock. I can't get over how adorable it is to listen to songs and sing along about Harry Potter. Seriously, so much fun. Why did I never pay attention to this before?

But it turns out, uneducated in wrock as I was, that meeting Alex Carpenter is a Wizard rock fangirls' dream come true. I also introduced myself to Matt Maggiacomo of The Whomping Willows since he was sitting right there. Since I had missed most of his set, I really had no idea who he was, and have only found out by seeing pictures of him online while finding more wrock.
I wonder if they are so used to squeeing from their fans that they were amused by the fact that I was not? Did they realize I had no idea? If so, was that refreshing or disappointing?"

This past year, I went to 20 shows and saw 21 different bands perform, in 5 different states.

This past year, I started writing for and running a website and had more than my friends and family read the things that I wrote. This introduced me to one of my favorite people ever.

This past year, I invited strangers to sleep at my house. I've also slept at near strangers' houses and felt perfectly comfortable doing so.

This past year, I stopped saying "this person I know online" and started saying "my friend" about people I had never met before. I also tackle hugged many of them when I finally met them.

This past year, I have gotten more hugs than I thought possible. I also learned the definition of "stink shoulder", but I didn't mind at all.

I could go on and on, obviously.

The other day, I was with a group of friends, one of which doesn't live in town. The subject of wizard rock came up, and one of my friends said, with pride, "You know, Freya's pretty important in the wizard rock community. She runs their website and is friends with the bands and travels all the time to go see them." I quickly explained that being "important" in the wizard rock community was a slightly ridiculous concept since we're such a tight-knit community. But I couldn't help but feel amazed that one of my Muggle friends thought of it like that. Like it was something that he thought was admirable and worth mentioning. It's become how I'm defined, and I'm perfectly happy about that.

A year and a day ago, if you had suggested that this is how my life would be, I would have stared at you blankly. And laughed. And now I can't imagine wanting anything more than what I have now. I love this. I love our community. I love the music. And I love having all of you in my life.

Album Meme

It's 3 a.m., and I can't sleep. So I'm doing this.
It's my own version of the album meme. I've seen it both as just a list of 25 and as explanations for 15. I'm doing explanations for however many I come up with.
In chronological order as to when they were meaningful to me:

1. Carol King - Tapestry
Until I was 10, we always lived at least a two or three day's drive from my extended family. Nowadays, we're eight hours away, which I consider to be "close". Needless to say, I have spent a significant amount of time in a car with my mom, dad, and younger brother. Carol King was always a favorite of my mother's, and this tape got an immense amount of play on road trips. To this day, the four of us will sing it start to finish when embarking on a road trip. It's something that we can all agree to put on and actually enjoy, even though just about none of our musical tastes overlap very much.
Favorite song: Tapestry

2. They Might Be Giants - Flood
I was introduced to this album when I was 13, by my friend Rachel, at smart kids camp. For the first time in my life, I was almost completely independent (for three whole weeks!) and also fit in with just about everyone. It was the start of embracing my nerdom. Leaving that place was crushing to me, and this album reminded me of those three weeks, as I played it on repeat for the rest of the summer. It still makes me nostalgic in a very happy way.
Favorite song: Birdhouse in your Soul/Whistling in the Dark

3. Rancid - And Out Come the Wolves
Since I didn't have any older siblings, I did most of the music discovery when my brother and I were younger. I met a punk kid at smart kids camp that made me totally rethink my entire attitude about fitting in and social conformity that has influenced me to this day. He listened to much less mainstream punk than Rancid, but this was the first punk album I bought. My brother love it too, and took his love to another level entirely (liberty spikes, studded belt, and all), much to my father's delight. (/sarcasm)
Favorite song: Journey to the End of the East Bay

4. Blink 182 - Dude Ranch
At the age of 15, I was kinda angsty. (WEIRD, right?!) There is nothing like some emo-poppy-punk to help you wallow in that. And not to get all hipster on you, but I did own this album BEFORE everyone else did, yet I still like 'Dammit'. Sadly, I can no longer stand to listen to it. It brings back far too many memories best left repressed.
Favorite song: Untitled

5. Goo Goo Dolls - A Boy Named Goo
I will still defend this album heatedly to anyone. My first real boyfriend introduced me to it, and I scoffed at him, but it actually rocks a whole lot. There are some incredibly insightful lyrics. For the longest time, it was my go-to CD when I didn't know what to listen to.
Favorite song: Flat Top/Ain't That Unusual

6. Fear Factory - Obsolete
Ahhh, metal. At first, I only listened because it was all my boys would play. Then 'Obsolete' came out. Nowadays, it's not my metal of choice (waaaay too growly), but I love this album still. I can sing it start to finish, which people find surprising since it's not very singable or remotely in my range.
Favorite song: Shock

7. The Cure - Galore
Oh, The Cure. The late-teen angst soundtrack for, well, just about everyone. I picked up 'Galore' not realizing it was a greatest hits album. I've found over the years that just about no one objects to this when it's put on.
Favorite song: Just Like Heaven/Never Enough

8. Dr. Dre - 2001
When this album came out, every single person that I hung out with owned it. It was all we listened to for about a month. This was at the height of Eminem's popularity, and his albums got plenty of play as well, but this one I still come back to. If you know me well, I'm sure you understand that as an 18 year old, some of the "themes" were fairly relevant to me.
Favorite song: Still D.R.E./What's the Difference/Forgot About Dre/The Next Episode/Murder Ink

9. Tom Petty - Greatest Hits
As a college student, I think it's an unofficial gen ed requirement that you know this CD from start to finish. I've seen Tom Petty in concert many times, and every time is some sort of crazy debacle. These are my best concert memories. Even though I like 'Wildflowers' better, this album had much more play time in my life. Interestingly enough, JP can't stand it and winces anytime it comes on.
Favorite song: I Won't Back Down

10. Megadeth - Countdown to Extinction
Mmmm...Dave Mustaine. Megadeth is by far the most singable metal that I have come across, and I don't hesitate to scream-sing this in my car. It's an easy pick when Will or Silent Bob or Zac are in the car, and I don't really know anyone that doesn't enjoy it to some extent.
Favorite song: Symphony of Destruction

11. Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
'Rain Dogs' was the first Tom Waits album I was introduced to, and I remember telling JP that I was surprised Tom Waits sang a cover of a Rod Stewart song. If our relationship could withstand that, I know that we're always going to be ok. Tom Waits now comprises some ridiculous portion of my 10 gigs of music, and I wouldn't have it any other way. One of my missions in life is to make sure people have heard Tom Waits.
Favorite song: Hang Down Your Head

12. Nellie McKay - Get Away From Me
My in-laws are notorious for finding music from NPR and foisting it upon us. So when they told us about this chick that got kicked out of Julliard because she wouldn't "focus" her music, I was slightly dismissive. Then we heard the album. The songs go from classic lounge crooning to spoken word/hip hop to smart poppy numbers, and I can never decide what I like best. Her second album is equally good. She also plays almost every instrument on the album, and inserts political commentary wherever she can. Talk about raw talent. Go listen to this if you don't know her. Everyone becomes a Nellie McKay convert.
Favorite song: All I can say is that Manhattan Avenue and I Wanna Get Married are my less-liked.

13. Shakira - Laundry Service
There is nothing like shaking your ass and singing while doing the dishes. 'Laundry Service' has enough Spanish on it to please me without frustrating me for not knowing the lyrics.
Favorite song: Eyes Like Yours

14. Tori Amos - From the Choirgirl Hotel
LeeAnn sent me to Barcelona with this CD and I would walk around the most amazing city in the world, listening to it, and staring in wonder. I am instantly transported by it still, and I can actually only listen to it when I'm in the right mood. Otherwise, it just depresses me that I'm not still there.
Favorite song: I don't like Liquid Diamonds as much as the rest of it. I can't choose otherwise.

15. Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass
I had heard Aesop and El P and other Def Jux guys before this album came out, and I did like hip-hop, but, just, wow. This blew me out of the fucking water from the moment I heard it. JP and I listened to it for the first time in my car and about 30 seconds in, I turned to him and said, "I think this really fucking rocks." He agreed. It's two years later, and I still have this in constant rotation. I have burned more copies of this CD than any other and I hand it out whenever I get the chance. For awhile, I would have a few copies in the house ready for anyone who hadn't heard it. My friend Brian, who I would have never expected to like hip-hop, was completely transfixed by this album.
Favorite song: Catacomb Kids

16. The Whomping Willows - Welcome to the House of Awesome
My wizard rock obsession had to start somewhere. As soon as I discovered it, this was one of the first albums I bought, and I couldn't stop listening to it. Since then, I've come to appreciate Matt's other albums (perhaps more), but this was first and will always have a special place in my heart. I knew that we would be friends before we met because of some of these songs. Self-deprecating, hilarious, unable to take himself seriously - it's all so much fun to listen to. No matter how many times I see him play (I think I'm up to 9...), I will always get excited to hear these songs.
Favorite song: House of Awesome Theme Song

It's now 4ish, so I'm going to try and sleep again. Much music love to all of you.

An Open Letter to 17 year old Freya

This is in response to a YouTube meme that is going around. Since I'm sick, I'm not looking my best right now, and I thought I'd just type it up.
The following is a letter to me, 10 years ago. I advise myself through my 19th birthday.

Start reading Harry Potter. You've never heard of it and won't for several years, but find it and read it. You can't fathom what it will come to mean to you, but do it anyway.

In a few months, you will start to really hang out with the people that will be your friends in high school. Even though you won't be friends with most of them in 10 years, make sure to live it up while you can. This will be the first time that you truly feel like you are part of a group, and you will enjoy the hell out of it.

This summer, you will meet people that will change your life, and you will change theirs as well. Try to think of their feelings, no matter how much you think your own life sucks at that moment.
You will make an important life decision during this time. Stick with it! Go to Pitt.
Also, it's probably best not to do a shot of Scope. Vomiting in public is never the way to go.
However...you will also be given another opportunity this summer. As well as things turned out, consider working at the theater arts camp rather than going to Governor's School. I've always wondered about that.

Your 18th birthday will suck. LEARN FROM THIS. You are doing yourself no favors by clinging to the past! You're just going to be miserable. For awhile.

You know deep down if someone is right for you. It's better to deal with the initial awkwardness than to deal with hurt feelings later on.

You will have a silly fight with Abi. She's your best friend. She knows you were hurt. Call her even though you think she should call you. You could still be friends now if you did that.

You might want to care a little bit more about Calculus. No regrets on skipping school, though - those will be some fun times.

Even though you really won't want to do it, save your money from graduation. You will appreciate that later on.

Spend as much time at the Mt. Washington house as possible. Who needs a senior trip when your friends have a house free of parents?

This is perhaps the most important message of them all: your first full day at Pitt, wear your ripped jeans. They will be the ticket to your husband and 99% of the best friends you will ever have. Everything will fall into place after that.

Don't take your mom's car for that ride. You know the one I'm talking about. It's a good story later, but probably not worth the hassle in the short-term.

Go to class. Again, it all works out in the end, but failing that first semester really sucked more than the story it is now.

If only, huh?

If only I were eighteen again

I'm sure you are all reading that and shuddering. I can hardly believe I wrote it myself. Let me explain.
Tom Petty was Tuesday night, after much anticipation. This was my third (fourth?) time seeing him at Star Lake (huge outdoor amphitheatre that has both covered seats and lawn). The last time I went, there was a little too much indulgence and things did not go well. I needed to purge these memories, and there is just about no one I would rather see in concert than Tom Petty. Shannon and I bought tickets in March, two days after they went on sale. We've been planning for awhile. And everything went totally according to plan!
We picked everyone up, got to Star Lake, grilled, drank, met up with everyone we needed to, and made it in on time. We even got to see a little of Steve Winwood.

A Tom Petty show is an interesting conglomerate of people. If you are even remotely a stoner in high school (or hang out with them) or if you go to college, I believe it is unofficially mandated that you memorize his 'Greatest Hits' album. This means he has a huge fan base, and that every song is essentially a classic. On his set list, there were 3 songs that I don't know every single word to. Other than that, it's like listening to my favorite Petty songs, but also dancing along in the grass with 25,000 other people who feel the same way. Zac and I had an interesting conversation about that concept, which went something like this:

Zac: All these people, they are all here because they all care about Tom Petty.
Me: Well, I'm sure they care about other people, too.
Zac: Yes, I'm sure they all have family and loved ones. I wasn't trying to suggest that they were soulless monsters.

You've all heard about my strange taste in men, so it should come as no surprise that the Tom Petty crowd is full of eye candy for me. Long hair, maybe slight hippie leanings with a dash of metal thrown in, and facial hair. It's like the required outfit for boys. And yes, I mean boys and not men.
The group standing in front of us were having a good time, just like us. I thought the one was cute. At some point, his friend turned around, and I was appalled. He was just a kid! I looked at the rest of them. No facial hair...and not in the clean-shaven way. How old was the cute one? My friend Brooke was just too curious and asked him. 18. 18!! That means that he had either just graduated from high school or was about to. He's never been to college, and if he drank in the parking lot, someone else had to buy him the liquor. Egads.
So what did I do? I made friends with them in the only way you can at a huge outdoor concert when 'Last Dance with Mary Jane' is playing. And then they kept us as friends during 'You Don't Know How it Feels'.

Afterwards, I felt guilty partying it up like that with someone that young, until I really remembered being 18. Then I just felt jealous. What did they have to do the next day? Go to their part-time Bruegger's job? What were they doing for the rest of the summer? I'm guessing it wasn't data collection and trying to pay down credit cards. I woke up the next day in my own apartment, and didn't do anything at all. I ate cereal for lunch and Thai food that I ordered myself for dinner. I watched TV, putzed on the internet, and read. I could've eaten ice cream for dinner if I wanted. I could've taken the car that I paid for somewhere. That made me feel a little better.

And then I listened to the Traveling Wilburys, and felt even better.



"Well, it's all right, even if you're old and grey. Well, it's all right - you've still got something to say." Believe me, I am far from grey, and I do have a lot more to say. Even if what I have to say is about 401Ks and buying a house and avoiding suburbia for the rest of my life. They'll grow up, too. I just hope they end up still having fun in 8 years.

Set list:
You Wreck Me
Mary Jane's Last Dance
I Won't Back Down
Even The Losers
Free Fallin'
Cabin Down Below
Sweet William
End Of The Line
The Waiting
Saving Grace
Face In The Crowd
Honey Bee
You Don't Know How It Feels
Learning To Fly
Don't Come Around Here No More
Refugee

Encore:
Runnin' Down A Dream
Mystic Eyes
American Girl

Thank you, Tom.

You always have something to say that's relevant. Sometimes I would rather hear the Ramones sing it, but it's your words that I crave.

I dont wanna grow up
I dont ever wanna be that way
I dont wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things
That theyd never want
The only thing to live for
Is today

I dont wanna have to shout it out
I dont want my hair to fall out
I dont wanna be filled with doubt
I dont wanna be a good boy scout
I dont wanna have to learn to count
I dont wanna have the biggest amount
I dont wanna grow up



Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
You burn your mansion to the ground
When theres nothing left to keep you here, when
Youre falling behind in this
Big blue world

Oh you go to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, Im standing right here
You got to hold on

I’m making a note here: huge success.

So, for the past year, I feel like I've been fumbling through life, just doing whatever, waiting for my life to start. I am actually waiting for JP to finish law school so that I can go back to school. I feel like once that happens, I will be finally working towards a goal of mine - to get a degree in interior design. My second bachelor's degree.

Yep. While many of my friends have decided to go on and obtain an advanced degree when going back to school, I've decided to completely disregard the 5 years I spent at Pitt and just redo that. In my optimistic moments, I think "who cares? I want to be an interior designer and there's really no other way!", but in my weaker moments, all I can think is, "gee, you think you could've figured out what you wanted to be when you grew up before you were 24 years old?" And that triggers the thoughts of what I always thought I would be doing at 26.

College? Check!
Married/madly in love? Check!
Kids? Grad/law school? Bought house? Paid off undergrad credit card debt (or at least not increased it)? Moved out of Pittsburgh? Had some successful career/job of some sort? Kept my apartment clean? Learned to sew? Inspected my car on time? Stopped staying up late just because I felt like it? Changed the world in some significant way?

Why does what we thought at age 12, 15, 18, haunt us into adulthood? Do I feel like I had any grasp of reality at those ages? Not so much, no. I assumed that life ceased to be fun around 25 and that the rest of your life was spent slaving away to have fun later, when you're too old to enjoy it. My perspective has changed a bit since then, to say the least. I know that I can still have fun, at least until 35 (I'll come back and write this same entry and see what I think then.). I know I can pay my own rent and take care of the apartment (for the most part), and still go out on a random Tuesday if I want (and believe me, I want!). All these things signal success and accepting responsibility in some way or another, no?

Yet, nearly everyone I know has said at one point or another, "I'm just not doing what I thought I would be doing at [insert age here]." I've had many goals in my life that I have had to let go of (being an Olympic gymnast or going to boarding school), but I am still plagued by the others, even if they aren't necessarily what I want now.

Do I like my day-to-day life? Surely. How would that change if I was going to grad school? If I had a house? If I lived in a different city? If I had a better sleep schedule? If I had a kid? It would be radically different, I'm sure.

So, fuck it, dude. Seriously. "There’s no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake." If this is all there is, we better not waste it on overanalyzing our naive ideas of what should've happened according to the gospel of an idealistic teenager. (That's right, I just encouraged y'all to be jaded and cynical. Quarter-life crisis, indeed.)
Thanks for the inspiration, GLaDOS.

Have you ever wondered...

...what a big mosaic of pictures of JP and I would look like? Gee, it's your lucky day!

(click to enlarge)

Sorry, I've been having waaaaay too much fun with fd's Flickr Toys today.

The new generation

Remember when this was us? Only instead of a craigslist post, we got a Pitt news editorial written about us and had the police show up?
Fuck you, Ben Rubin. I like singing songs from 'The Little Mermaid'. And no one ever had a heart attack. Sorry that your life couldn't be peppered with fun and laughter your freshman year.