And it keeps on coming...

You know, I really am an optimistic person. I try my best to think of what the good part of any scenario could be. This week is killing me, though.

Monday, I get a letter from Highmark saying "thanks, but no thanks" to giving me insurance. The good news is that they are happy to insure JP, but not someone who was last in the ER because of a spinal headache. They did tell me that if I'd like to appeal this decision, they might consider letting me have insurance for a "premium". Might. And it will take them 60 days to decide that. Meanwhile, my insurance expires at the end of this month, and JP doesn't start work until after Labor Day. This means several things:

1) I have to cancel my appointment that I had to wait six months to get with the MS clinic because I can't really afford the $300some dollars that I expect it to cost.
2) I absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, hurt myself this summer. While I have gone longer than 4 months without a trip to the ER, because of my clumsiness, I feel it's a big risk. Random car accident? I'd be utterly fucked, financially speaking.
3) Anyone who doesn't believe in some sort of socialized medicine (even just catastrophic coverage!) is currently on my shit list. Sorry, but I can't wrap my head around why health insurance as a BUSINESS is an acceptable practice, making tons of money, while people who are willing to pay for your product are without coverage because it's just not worth it for you, according to your actuarial tables. Health insurance decisions made by people who are not healthcare workers fill me with rage.

Then, I'm rereading my notice for jury duty. I've actually been chosen to be on a statewide grand jury, a rare occurance. I research this. This is not the kind of jury duty where you show up and then read a book for awhile, and then leave. It involves serving for one week a month for up to 18 months. And they want written documentation of why you wouldn't be able to serve. Really? I need to bring a note from my employer saying that they won't pay me to take a week off every month? Then I need to bring in my lease, stating what my rent costs, to prove that I can't live on 3/4 of my salary? How about when I go back to school? I need an official document that states missing a week of school each month will be detrimental to earning my degree? How about my non-refundable plane ticket to Europe for 3 weeks in August?

I guess for the jury duty, I can say that the silver lining is that I get to really experience our justice system, but I'm struggling to see it for the health insurance. Help?

Spring Cleaning

On the subject of winter being over (even though it is currently snowing, lol), I decided to do a real spring cleaning this year. I spent 4 hours going through and reorganizing my sewing/craft/art corner (a very small section of the office). I spent another two reorganizing my desk. And today, I spent about an hour creating a spring cleaning list based on a link from one of my favorite blogs. See, I've never done a spring cleaning before. JP and I have always moved every year, so things that should be cleaned once a year get done when we move. Since we've been here for about 3 years now, I figured maybe I should do some things. I washed two of our windows, and I'm beginning to think that the kitchen being dim had nothing to do with the lightbulbs (YUCK!). I wiped off all the doorknobs and light switches. Then I washed the baseboards. Now I feel like this is starting to get into the territory of crazy anal retentiveness. Should I really pull the refrigerator out and clean behind it? Pull all of the dishes out of the cabinets and clean them out? How exactly do I clean the inside of the dishwasher (and I'm sorry - its job is to wash things. Is it really dirty inside there?)? Do I really need to wash every wall, top to bottom? Do I have to take down all my art to do that? How exactly do you wash a shower curtain liner?

I guess what I'm really asking of all you adults is - Do you do all this? Have I been failing these past years? Should I have children just so I can have a source of cheap labor for tasks such as these?

Out of Hibernation

About six weeks of writer's/life block ended last week, and I am finally updating my life, both here and in the real world. I've had a series of annoying weeks where nothing seems to go right, interspersed with some random awesomeness. I'm going to try to topically cover everything.

Wizard Rock
Writer's block really screwed me here. I sat on articles far longer than I should have for the 'pedia, and it drove me constantly crazy that I couldn't accomplish anything but news bits for awhile. I missed writing interesting things, and I like to think that people missed reading them. I also had my first real foray into managing an all-volunteer staff. It's tough. There were weeks I spent 20 hours dealing with things for the site, and this is a LOT of my free time. At this point, I think we have managed to set everything up to be ok with less work. Big sigh of relief there. I think JP was getting to the point of resenting the time I was putting into it. I was getting there, too.

I found a roommate for and bought tickets to Wrockstock (a three day wizard rock festival in November). I get butterflies of excitement every time I think about it. Bands that I have never seen, awesome people to hang out with more (including my roommate!), new people to meet, three days in the woods of Missouri - it's going to be insanity, and I can't wait.

I have had some really cool things come out being the 'pedia editor lately. I got my first press copy of a CD to review, which included a personal note that had me all misty and going "Why did I ever doubt this was worth it?!" to JP. I spent time with wrockers that I had really only interacted with because of the site (and had an amazing time!). I've gotten random comments here and there, from people who appreciate what I do. And, most exciting of all, my proposal for a wizard rock panel at LeakyCon got accepted!

LeakyCon is the Harry Potter conference that I'm going to in Boston this May. My entire panel is full of people that I can't wait to hear answer the questions I have (erm, will have. WIP at the moment). I think everyone will walk away from it really impressed by our community and feel full of wrock love. At least, that's the goal. The other goal is for me to have my outfits picked out soon! I need one for traveling/arriving, one for Thursday night, one for Friday (that includes my panel), one for Saturday, one for the ball, and one (possibly two?) for Sunday. So far, I have two for sure, and three with a general plan. Well on my way.

I've been to three more shows. I don't think I will ever not enjoy jumping up and down to wizard rock. The shows that I have been to over the past six months have included some of the most raucous fun, insane adventures, and happy friend-making of my life. It's amazing.

Real Life
I've read a bunch of books, seen some good movies, and had some really great moments with the boys. It's been a generally happy time where friends and family are concerned.

I've also hit another peak of insomnia. I see 4 or 4:30 am pretty often. I'm torn about asking for more Ambien, after my last experience, but it did really help with the sleeping. We'll see.

I've spent what seems like hours trying to deal with the Parking Authority (PSA: Pay your parking tickets on time, kids!), doctor's offices, and admissions staff at La Roche. Just so you know, the Parking Authority will cash your check for a ticket, not tell you that it was late, and charge you late fees. (I only realized this when I went to pay a different ticket online. Fuckers.) Don't ever believe a doctor's office when they say they will call you back. I've never had one that did. They may also get snotty with you when you suggest that they are irresponsible assholes for not doing so, yet telling you specifically NOT to call them. Gah. And also, just because you have a bachelor's degree doesn't mean that you don't need to turn in high school transcripts. Uh huh. Makes sense to me.

I have failed to keep up with laundry or any sort of cleaning, but this is typical of this time of year. It seems that it is finally spring-ish, so I'm back in my spring cleaning mode. It really is amazing how much my productivity and what I do depends on the seasons. At least now I can mentally prepare for how gross the apartment gets in February and March (but not without the requisite guilt - I really should've been a Catholic).

And so it goes. I've noticed a lot of people seem to be trying to shrug off the mid-winter funk and get back into the swing of things. I'm glad to see we are all emerging.

Medical Science

I am constantly amazed by medical science. As far as I'm concerned, it's magic.

Yesterday, my doctor's office finally called back (after 3 hours!) and told me to go to the ER. JP took me, and after I registered, I waited for about 15 minutes until the triage nurse saw me. She took my blood pressure and temperature and asked me what was wrong. When I told her I had a spinal headache, she jumped up and told me to follow her. We went into an office where I repeated this to a doctor. He told me they would get an anesthesiologist to do a blood patch and that, in the meantime, they'd give me something for the pain. We grabbed JP, went into an exam room, and a nurse came in with a vicodin. I liked him immediately.

He proceeded to take me upstairs where I was put in a little room off of the surgical recovery room. Every other patient was unconscious, and the nurses and anesthesiologist seemed quite pleased to be able to interact with someone who wasn't. They apologized profusely because I needed to wait another 20 minutes before he could do the blood patch.

So, the blood patch. I had done my internet research, and I knew what they were going to do. In fact, on Saturday, I asked Tim and JP if they would do it for me. They both refused. You get a spinal headache because the hole where the needle for the spinal tap went in hasn't closed, and your spinal fluid is literally leaking into your body. Ick, huh? By taking some blood out of your arm and injecting it into the same site, the blood will clot and seal the hole.

I'm glad that JP and Tim didn't do it on Saturday for one reason - I never would have had the nerve to let them inject 20cc of blood. That is a LOT of blood. A whole lot more than I would have expected to fit in my spinal cavity. There were two anesthesiologists to do it - one to take the blood and pass it to the one that would inject it. I understand that maybe an anesthesiologist does not often take blood from someone, but I have huge veins and it is quite easy to get it. This guy stuck me 3 times before he got it, while I'm sitting there with a needle poking out of my spine. I was ready to do it myself at that point.

But after the blood patch and lying down for an hour, I had no headache. Success! The only problem is that my back really, really hurts now, from the pressure of having all that extra fluid. It's a fair trade, I think.

Just glad that it's over. Thanks to everyone that wished me well and offered help; I really appreciated it.

Laid Up

I know that I owe 3 more entries about my crazy weekend in Ohio, and I do have them outlined. Unfortunately, health issues have taken center stage for the moment. Last week, I had two tests related to my MS diagnosis - an evoked potentials test and a spinal tap. The evoked potentials test was boring at worst and might have been quite entertaining if I had been hallucinating. I was allowed to sleep for the auditory part, so that almost made up for the fact that I had to wake up at 6am to be there on time. All in all, not that horrible.

The spinal tap, on the other hand, has been nothing but horrible.

Ok, that's a lie. The actual moment when there was a needle in my spinal cord was fine. I didn't feel a damn thing, and it only lasted about 4 minutes. However, I had to spend the entire day in the hospital, where the incompetent staff proceeded to:

1) Lose my chart and force me to wait for 2 hours before anyone came to see us.
2) Place my IV in the crook of my elbow so that no matter how I held my arm, it hurt like a bitch.
3) Tell me that I could have nothing by mouth after midnight the night before, so I was dehydrated and in caffeine withdrawal for most of the day. (Which, interestingly enough, brings us to the next item...)
4) Do a crappy enough job that I have been stuck with a spinal headache since Friday (usually alleviated by drinking lots of fluids PRIOR to getting a spinal tap).
5) Forget about me and discharge me an hour late.

I laid down for 3 1/2 hours, flat on my back after the spinal tap. I went home, laid down, and slept for 4 hours. Then I laid down for the rest of the night. I woke up the next morning, went to breakfast, and had to leave because my head hurt so much. Then I spent all day and night Saturday on my back (missing Fred's going away dinner and bar excursion). Sunday, repeat Saturday (missing my PAW meeting). I am so friggin' sick of tv and movies, and reading is difficult (holding the book above my head). Typing this hurts (laptop propped up on my stomach). I called my neurologist, but he is out of town. His receptionist told me to go to the ER, and then told me that I *have* to go to the one where I had the spinal tap done and pay the $12 for parking there. No, thank you. So, I called my regular doctor, and I'm waiting to hear what he has to say. I'm hoping it's something like, "I'm sorry for all your troubles. Here is some amazing pain medication."
Did I mention I'm supposed to spend this weekend in New York?

Here's what I have to say: Spinal tap - turning the pain in the ass-ness up to 11.

Ow.

So, I think that my nostril piercing is infected. At the moment, I am writing this with my head turned sideways because I have a cotton ball soaked in warm, salty water on it. It is throbbing, which it has been doing whenever it is touched for the past two days. I've had a fairly chronic sinus infection/allergies/whatever for almost two months now, so I'm wondering if all the nose blowing has finally aggravated it. I wash it daily, even when it feels fine. I have to admit that this piercing has given me far more trouble than my belly button, eyebrow, or tongue ring ever has, but I really love it! Anyone out there have some advice? Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to go to a doctor/piercer? Just wait it out? Help!

I outed myself on YouTube

I made this for the Project for Awesome, a day where we took over YouTube with videos just like this, promoting good causes and trying to decrease world suck. You can read more about it here.

The last 2 minutes are just the logo.



I know Jed Bartlett is fictional, but the information about MS on the West Wing was not.
Here are the links in case you watch it here and not on YouTube:

The Accelerated Cure Project

Accelerated Cure Project's Charity Navigator page

Information on MS

15 days in 7 minutes

Where I sum up my life lately. Recorded on Thursday.



Nerdfighter: a term used to describe fans of John and Hank Green's Brotherhood 2.0 project.
My Nerdfighter videos can be found here and here.
Buy Paper Towns and Stargirl on Amazon or at your local bookstore.

Various marijuana proposition information can be found here.

And finally, a small, spoiler-free review of Twlight.
I kinda thought the movie was better than the book.

Up until the Port Angeles scene, the movie was awkward and uncomfortable. I laughed hysterically when Carlisle came onto screen for the first time (and got dirty looks from the woman next to me) because he looked like a freaking circus clown. His makeup was just so overdone. After Port Angeles, the movie was very true to the book. I thought they captured the mood incredibly well, and the Cullens were everything I was hoping for. The few changes that were made actually helped with the flow of things rather than detracting from my enjoyment. That being said...
If you haven't read the book and teeny-bopper vampires are not your thing, you're not going to enjoy the movie. Just a warning. Personally, I thought it was great, and I plan on seeing it again in the theatres.

Ouch.

Remember how when you were a kid and you fell down, you got right back up and continued with whatever you were doing? I am now infinitely jealous of my 8 year old body.
I have discovered that in the evenings and weekends, the park and ride near our house is usually deserted. So I have been blading the 1/2 mile or so there, doing laps around the lot for awhile, and blading home. Some of the sidewalks around here are awful, but I can survive. I do have kneepads and wrist guards that I wear, but after Saturday, I'm considering a giant bubble. I know that would make JP feel better.
After many circuits around the lot (with Olympic-style commentary in my head about my movements), I was bored with simply going forward and occasionally spinning around. Backwards! There's a direction I haven't tried yet.
Surprisingly, it wasn't that difficult. I was going along just fine when i decided to go forward again. Since I can spin while going forward, why not while backwards? I set my foot and spun and suddenly, I've got this amazing gymnast spin through the air. Needless to say, I did not stick my landing. While in the air, I realized what was going to happen a split second before I hit the ground. I landed first on my shoulder, followed by my hip, and then slid a few feet. Ow. And I was still a 1/2 mile from my house, without my cell phone. Good thinking on my part.
Now, I do have to say that I heard my kneepad crash against the concrete, and my wrist guard is horribly scratched up now. I was afforded some protection from them, for which I'm grateful. PSA: No matter how dorky you look, wear pads!

So, I am now the proud owner of my first road rash of my adult life, a large collection of bruises, and a horribly pulled/torn muscle in my arm that makes just about everything painful. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday in a sling, but today I need to work, so I have to use the arm. Luckily, I have helpful friends with leftover pain meds from various dental work that have been donated to me. I would normally happily spend the next few days in a haze of drug-induced comfort, but I have a big phone meeting with my boss tonight. I really hope that I'm coherent enough to deal with this.

Stupid clumsiness. I should not be allowed on wheels.

No-poo

My apartment has been free of any toxic and non-biodegradable cleaning products for well over a year now, and I have to say that I don't miss them one bit. As I continue my one-woman crusade to save the world, my next stop was the bathroom - specifically the shower.
I love bath and beauty products, but I was starting to feel guilty about dumping all that sodium laureth sulfate down the drain. I have also reasonably guessed that since it's not good for the environment, it's not good for me and my body, either. So I bought a bottle of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap as body wash and some organic shampoo. The shampoo was awful. It made my hair feel both greasy and like straw. So I bought another one, and it's ok, but my hair is still feeling a little weird. Before I bought any more, I figured some research was in order, and I discovered the "no-poo" movement. Yes, you're going to think I'm crazy.

In not using shampoo, you still want to remove dirt and grime from your hair, without stripping all the natural oils out, which is what conventional shampoo does. The solution? 1 tablespoon baking soda dissolved in 1 cup of warm/hot water. Massage it on your scalp and through your hair and rinse well. You can also create a "rinse" that conditions your hair by making a solution of 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar and 1 cup of warm water. Same procedure. I didn't have any apple cider vinegar, but I tried the baking soda solution. I also used my organic leave-in conditioner.
Now, my hair is still wet as we speak, so I don't know how exactly it will feel later, but right now all I can smell is wet dog, and I have a feeling it's my hair. I may abandon this, unless somehow my hair is gorgeous and shiny and perfect later.

February 23, 2009

So, I was incredibly dumb today. Like, ditzy awful dumb.

Last night, Cohen&Grigsby (JP's summer job firm) hosted a summer party at the president's house. The invite said "casual attire", but JP explained to me that this meant I should wear a dress. I have been worrying about this for the past few months, trying to figure out how to interact with all these lawyers and their spouses and talk to them about their houses and kids (of which I have neither). So, trepidatious, we drove out to the $783,000 house (I looked up the address on the county assessment website, lol.). It was gorgeous, of course, and wonderfully, tastefully decorated. I was amazingly impressed. And everyone was so super nice. Not actually that difficult to talk to, and most of them seemed fascinated by my work. I was surprised at how many young people were there, and how many of them had kids. Things were looking like this would be a perfectly fun time.
So, I'm standing with JP, sipping my (very weak) vodka&soda, and I get dizzy. Not just normal spin-head dizzy, but tunnel-vision-I'm-going-to-faint dizzy. I tell JP I need to sit down and he starts to end the conversation, and I tell him I need to sit down NOW, and I just walk away. As I'm walking towards an empty table in the driveway, I realize I'm not just light-headed. I'm about to throw up.

I run to the bottom of the driveway where there are some bushes and trees to block me from site and just vomit, right there, on the mulch part of the landscape of the president of Cohen&Grigsby's beautiful house and lawn. Mm-hmm.
And the neighbors were pulling into the driveway as I did it.

So then I decide I need to sit, but am too mortified to return to the party. I walk to our car (a couple blocks away) and try to call JP. No answer. So I call my next help person - my mom. She's not there, but Erik is and he says he will come get me if I need him to. We hang up, JP calls back. I explain everything to him and he comes to the car with some water. He says it's no big deal to leave (it was already 9:30 or so) and heads back to make his goodbyes. We get home without incident.

What does every girl think when they throw up randomly? What am I most scared of?
I woke up and decided to take a pregnancy test, because I am that paranoid. I bought this last one in a pack of 2, so I had thrown out the directions. It's an ept early detection test. I take it and it looks like this:



Two lines. Two lines means you're pregnant. Omigodnoseriously?!? I sit in the bathroom for a few minutes and then walk out to the living room to tell JP. He takes it really well, I cry. I insist on taking more tests (a la Katherine Heigl in 'Knocked Up'), and we need to get groceries for the Father's Day brunch we're having tomorrow. How ironic, right? So we go to Whole Foods and then I send JP to the liquor store (thinking all the while "no drinking gin and tonics for 9 MONTHS") while I go to Walgreen's. While there, I go to the home pregnancy test section and am trying to find another 2 or 7 tests to take. And then I see the ept box:

It's a plus-minus system. Not a 2 line system.
3 f*cking hours of being 100%, totally convinced I was pregnant. Telling JP that. Discussing it, thinking about it (When's the last time I had sushi? Dammit! No more sushi!), freaking out about it, crying about it, having the internet figure out my due date (February 23, 2009)...and it turns out I'm just a complete moron.
February 23rd is a Monday next year, but who's up for some celebratory cocktails that day?

Good for me, good for you

Rendell signed the smoking ban. In 90 days or so, Pennsylvania will be non-smoking in 95% of workplaces. This doesn't include bars that get more than 80% of their business from alcohol, casinos, and "private clubs". So, all restaurants and most bars will be smoke-free.

I have mixed feelings. Politically, I have no issues with making someplace smoke-free. Personally? Well...

I don't mind going outside to have a cigarette about 80% of the time. The other 20% annoys me, but I can deal.
You know what I can't deal with? People who thumb their nose at smokers and say nanny-nanny boo-boo. Like it's just been a big battle between the two, and the non-smokers have won somehow. If this was put to a public vote, I would have voted for the smoking ban. This doesn't mean I won't miss my cigarettes at the bar at PHI, talking to Rob or Eugene or whoever. But please don't rub it in my face, either. It's a touchy subject.

Addiction and Obsessions

I know I promised to blog about the rest of my trip, but I'm not feeling inspired about that right now. I have spent the past week trying to readjust to being home again, and I've discovered something exciting - rollerblading!
So, I guess this does have a little bit to do with my trip, because Laura was going to throw away a pair of rollerblades that just happened to fit me perfectly. I snatched them up (along with a larger duffel she was getting rid of to store them in) and I have been out twice since I've had them. Once was just around the neighborhood and the other time was with JP and Zac to a Pittsburgh Venture Outdoors event where they teach you rollerblading. It turns out that it's just like riding a bike, so I can rollerblade quite well, even thought it's been about 14 years. And now I think I'm obsessed. I went out tonight and bought wrist guards, elbow pads, a helmet, and a hydration pack. On Wednesday, I plan to meet the Pittsburgh Inline Club to skate around Shadyside. Yay! New friends and physical activity? Crazy!

My super excitement about this has made me reflect upon the many different addictions and obsessions I have had throughout my life.
First and foremost, we have cigarettes (based on this article, I'm convinced it's genetics and not entirely my fault that I can't quit.). There's coffee as well. These are the only two constants that I really have. Otherwise, I go through phases where I'm obsessed with reading fanfiction, writing, photography, television, making altered books, surfing the web, doing yoga, playing DDR, baking, cooking, cleaning, etc., etc., etc. Usually I discover a new passion, buy all the required gear/supplies for it, do it for a week, and then totally disregard it. Being slightly more financially stable makes this even worse. It's suddenly not a huge deal if I go out and buy $20 worth of fabric and thread for the sewing machine that I have never used.

Luckily, this addictive part of my personality does not seem to apply to the usual things. Yes, I went through a binge drinking phase, but I was depressed and easily stopped it once I realized it was just making matters worse. There was that time I was addicted to Ambien, but it was definitely more about being able to sleep than the drug itself. Based on the incidence of alcoholism in the family, I consider myself fortunate for this.

This rollerblading thing, though. I really hope it sticks. I'd love to be in shape. Today, I didn't get the chance to do anything active and I'm considering skipping happy hour to go skating tomorrow. I've met those crazy people who can't go a day without exercise, and they usually freak me out. Here's hoping that my latest addiction sticks - even if I do freak out some other lazy people who haven't yet discovered they love rollerblading/biking/running/climbing/yoga/pilates yet.

I'm eating my words.

Guess I should apologize to Omi now about being offended by her remarks.

Light me up that cigarette, and I strap shoes on my feet.

As we get older and wiser, our lifestyles change. Things that were acceptable or a normal part of our daily lives slowly change or stop. I no longer spend just about every night hanging out with friends. A Friday night in doesn't make me feel like a loser, it makes me feel recharged and relaxed. Cooking dinner for friends and hanging out until 11 (instead of 2, 3, 4 am) become some of the best nights. Let's face it - we may not be old, but our bodies have all passed their pinnacle of functionality. We just can't crazy it up like we used to. A candy bar is not an acceptable breakfast/lunch food. Drinking or even just being out late every night hurts now.

Now, don't get me wrong. We still party like rock stars on occasion, and with my insomnia, seeing 2 am on a weeknight is not particularly a rarity. But it's not the same.

Except for my smoking.

I still smoke. Over the years, most of my friends have quit or limited their smoking. Will and Shan don't smoke in their house. Rob, Ryan, and Kathy only smoke when they drink. Josh and Brian quit outright. And I'm still smoking close to a pack a day.

It used to be that most of us smoked, and those who didn't tolerated it without a word. What happened? When did I become ostracized? When did people start looking down on me because of my addiction? Are they under the impression that I think I'm cool for smoking? Is it really necessary for you to tell me that you hate going to bars because of all the smoke? Anytime I hear criticism of smokers, I feel a little pang in my heart. Don't you think I would quit if I could? Do you think that I enjoy standing outside when it's 20 degrees out, all alone, because I just have to have that cigarette? I am leaving places and people that I was enjoying. Do you know that I feel mortified every time I ask a restaurant for a smoking table and the host/hostess says (with pity and/or scorn in their eyes) "we don't have a smoking section"?

It's fine that you don't like smoking. I'm used to it because I grew up in a smoking household. I don't mind the smell. I love the physical act of smoking. Having ashtrays scattered throughout my home is perfectly acceptable to me. You don't have to let me smoke in your house. You don't have to enjoy smelling like smoke after a night at the bar. But, please - nothing you say makes quitting smoking any easier for me. It just makes me feel like an outcast, guilty of something, judged and pitied. No one wants that.

Hurt Unit

This weekend, Kathleen came into town. I decided to take her on a tour of my life.
We went to go see 'The Other Boleyn Girl' because we both adored the book. I haven't seen such a bad movie in a long time. This wasn't bad like "they didn't follow the book" bad. It was bad like "this isn't even entertaining" bad. I'm not going to write a review or anything, but just to bring things into perspective - I inappropriately laughed after the rape scene. Loudly. I also laughed once the credits rolled, out of sheer relief that it was over.

Anyways...after the movie, Zack, Kathleen, her brother Jon, and I all went to PHI to meet up with people. I forgot that Kathleen doesn't drink as much as I do, and I had her do 3 shots with me in quick succession. I was fairly sober, and she didn't seem all that drunk (just extra bubbly and fun), but she ended up being taken home by Zack and Jon much earlier than I would've preferred. Sorry, hun...that was totally my fault.
So we continued our evening. I really need to stop drinking at PHI on the weekends. Our bartender, Binder, doesn't actually close the bar. There is no last call. If there is no last call, I don't know when to stop drinking. I also don't have any idea what time it is. So, at 4:30, we left to go to Ritter's for some breakfast. Zac, JP, Silent Bob, Rob, and I all wandered off to Zac's car.

Along the way, I managed to fall. Normally, when you stumble and fall, you fall forward or just sort of collapse straight down. I fell spectacularly backwards and I have no idea how. Ice, maybe? I also managed to pull JP down with me. When I got up, my elbow hurt. Turns out, I had scraped most of the skin off of it. I had also somehow managed to scratch JP's face - about 4 inches across his cheek.


It wasn't until the next day that I realized I had also severely bruised my thigh (nice bright purple about the size and shape of a cracked egg in a pan) and my poor arse. Do you understand how much impact is required to actually raise a bruise on the meaty part of your ass? Yeah, a lot. I also woke up yesterday (at 2, no less, since we had gone to bed at 6) sore as hell. My back hurts, my legs hurt, my ribs (?), my elbow, ass, and thigh still hurt. When did falling become so painful beyond the immediate impact? Is it possible that it's because I'm old? I feel like someone beat the shit out of me.

Side effects

Remember when I raved about Ambien here? Yeah, I should've realized it was too good to be true.

After a few days of taking it, I started getting these strange headaches. It feels a little like someone is poking me through the temple with an ice pick. It gets worse when I turn my head. Nothing takes it away, but it's usually short lived. So I looked up side effects of Ambien, and headaches are, in fact, one.

This entire past week, I thought I was going crazy. I have woken up every morning feeling like the day before happened 3 weeks before. I could barely remember what had happened, no matter how significant. Back to my list of side effects. No lie, AMNESIA (sometimes significant) is a side effect. What kind of medicine causes amnesia?

The craziness has gotten worse in the past 4 days. I have been daydreaming almost constantly. I normally daydream a lot, but this is a bit much for even me. And daydreaming so intensely that when I snap out of it, I am immensely disappointed because I'm back to reality. What is happening to me? Based on the list of side effects - delusions. As in not knowing what is real and what isn't? At least for moments of the time? Yikes!

The worse part is, these side effects all happen during the day! I could see if I couldn't remember those weird 20 minutes after I take the pill, but give me a break! I'm kinda freaked out over here.

And I don't know if I can attribute this to the Ambien, but I have started liking a very strange song, 'Apologize' by Timbaland, and One Republic. Here's the youtube (I managed to find a Harry Potter fanvideo that's set to it, lol). That's a bad song, right?

No, really, a new beginning.

Ahhhhh. So this is how it feels to wake up normally? You feel like you have actually slept? You have energy that's not just a 15 minute spurt once a day? Seriously? I think I might want to do something today. Cleaning, cooking, hanging out not in my living room...the possibilities are endless. I was showered, dressed, and working by 9:30 today. Happily. Wow. No, really, this is wonderful.

Man, I am Ambien's new number one fan. Well, that or sleeping's.

The only bummer is that I'm supposed to keep a strict sleeping schedule for the next two weeks while I'm taking it. So hanging out past midnight is sort of out of the question. But if I have to not hang out late for the next two weekends, I can deal if this is my reward. Tomorrow, I will wake up before 11. What do you do that early on a Saturday? I guess I'll find out.

Oh, and the moments before you fall asleep on Ambien? Very amusing. Very drug-induced, in that fun sort of way. JP said I had quite the shit-eating grin. Hopefully it wasn't reminiscent of Britney's...

A new beginning

After months of not sleeping well and JP and Tim hounding me, I finally made a doctor's appointment to talk about my insomnia. At this point, I feel like everything that is not quite right in my life is due to this, and I want a change. The only thing I didn't want was a prescription for sleeping pills.

So I go to see the doctor. I have doctor issues to begin with, so I was nervous. The doctor that I used to see is now gone from the practice, so it was my first time meeting him.

I think I love him.

I explained everything and we talked for a good long while. He must've asked me a dozen times if I was ok other than the insomnia. Really thorough. He easily explained why I had lost all that weight recently and reassured me that it was fine. He also took blood to check my thyroid levels. He even understood that I didn't want to be taking sleeping pills, but then explained to me why it was probably my best option at this point. By taking Ambien for only the next two weeks, I will essentially retrain my body to sleep normally and then hopefully be able to sleep just fine without it. It's non-addictive and all the crazy side effects you hear about only tend to happen to people who use it for more than a month, so I shouldn't be driving in my sleep any time soon. I expressed concern at the fact that I react to medications quite strongly since I'm so small, and he prescribed me the lowest dose possible at my request (5mg). I left his office feeling incredibly hopeful. Is it really possible to fix me with just a little pill for two weeks?

Then I went to Giant Eagle. I dropped off the prescription for the Ambien and something else that I needed. I was told 20 minutes. So I took the opportunity to pick out some new toothpaste (I'm such a sucker for oral care products!) and came back about a half an hour later (I take my toothpaste selection very seriously). I was told that: 1) there was something "wrong" with the Ambien prescription and that they had to wait for the doctor to call back to verify it and 2) my COBRA coverage hasn't gone through yet, so I have to pay for these completely on my own and then get reimbursed, as long as it is within the next 10 days. So I left Giant Eagle in tears of bitter disappointment that my new start to life can't begin tomorrow. It'll have to wait until Friday, I guess.

Oliver Twist

Aside from all my other issues that stem from my insomnia, the latest development would be the bags under my eyes. I looked in the mirror the other day and all I could think was that I looked like some sort of Victorian orphan. It's kinda like this:



Ok, I admit that I took this pic and used Paint to paint the bags (which look more like football player's greasepaint than undereye circles, I know). But it's very similar, I swear!