Last "night", I fell asleep at 5 a.m. This is the latest that my insomnia has kept me up. It was wretched. I tried to clear my mind before I went to sleep, but it was a real struggle. I usually don't remember my dreams, either, but last night's was a doozy. If you watch Heroes, it will make a lot more sense, but if you don't, just know that Peter Petrelli is my favorite character on the show.
So I was running down a New York sidewalk towards essentially ground zero of some horrific event that I had just witnessed (big explosion, shooting, something.). I was grabbed out of nowhere by Peter Petrelli. He took me in his arms and spun me around in a very cheesy romantic comedy sort of way. Like, feet not touching the ground. And I have never felt happier in my entire life than at that moment. Safe. Protected. Loved. The funny thing is the the actor who plays Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) is fairly short and slight, but it was obviously no effort for him to spin me around. After he put me back down, he kissed me. A perfectly chaste peck on the lips, but it was chock full of meaning and feelings. And we both realized that this was the end for us. I can't ever remember feeling so indescribably sad (in a dream or life) before. It was like we knew we were on different paths and would never really meet again. Someone walked up to me then and was talking about how in a year, I would return with some sort of 'Chosen One' child named Arianna and that they would be ready for her this time. I walked a few steps away with Peter to his girlfriend (a girl I went to high school with), who I hugged tightly, along with him. She was obviously a close friend of mine. She whispered in my ear "You can't have him, he's mine". She meant it as a joke, but with my arm that was wrapped around her, I reached to lay a hand on his chest. He squeezed it and gently removed it before untangling all three of us from the hug.
JP rolled over and started snoring at that point. I consciously knew I was waking up, but I struggled to stay in the dream, to have one more moment with him. I awoke panting, my pulse racing, and my left hand over my heart. It HURT. Now, 5 hours later, I'm tearing up just remembering how I felt.
What do we think? Loss of innocence? Do I want someone else's man? Am I secretly a Hero as well? Or have I just been thinking too much about Heroes lately?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Am I a Hero?
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2 comments:
Have you read Insomnia by Stephen King? Maybe the higher powers are shifting your consciousness to a higher level of the Tower.
By the way, I think it's my destiny to kill the Chosen One. So sorry Ariana, but I've got a butcher knife with your name on it. At least you won't know brutal subjugation at the hands of my horrible killbot army.
I go with the "loss of innocence" interpretation. Running toward big scary disaster = the inexorable march of time towards bigger and bigger responsibilities. Peter could represent your previous childhood ideal of a man who would sweep you up/take your worries away.
You mentioned that your brain is taken with heavy shit at the moment; your dream seems to indicate a wistful wish for the fantasy prince to come rescue you; even though you know intellectually that he doesn't exist, that it's all up to you, you still feel sadness and mourn the loss of the ideal.
Babies often mean the birth of a new project...perhaps your brain is giving you permission to move some long-held dreams from the back burner to, like, the middle one?
And yes, you are probably thinking about Heroes too much. But how can you not??? What with Peter being SO FREAKING DUMB this season??? (I mean seriously, you can use your mind-reading to get the location of the deadly virus, but NOT to see that Adam's a homicidal dickweed??? GOD DAMN, get it together Lil' Brudder!
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