this is why I'm not a movie critic

WARNING: this entry is filled with spoilers for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. if you have never read the book nor seen the movie, under no circumstance should you read this. if you have read the book, and you want to experience the movie without knowing things about it, stop reading. this is going to be my one-woman rant fest.

before you start, I KNOW that there is no way a book of 870 pages can become a movie of 138 minutes. that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to be disappointed anyway. I also know that detaching myself from the book would make this a better movie. but I just can't do that.

I've divided my comments into categories:
1) gone - things that did not show up in the movie that were in the book. this is where my complaints are the weakest, because something's gotta give when long books are turned into motion pictures. however, eliminating things that are important later on is not good.
2) changed - I find these to be the most unforgivable things when books are converted to movies. for the most part, there is no reason to do this. that fills me with rage.
3) wanted more - things that were great but there just wasn't enough!
4) loved - things that were just all-around impressive.

we'll start with Gone.
- Cleaning 12 Grimmauld Place: nope, doesn't happen. Mrs. Black doesn't really scream either...you hear an occasional mumbling in the hall while they're there.
- Dumbledore as the secret keeper: No note for Harry to find out about headquarters. Isn't that going to be important later on?
- Snuffles sighting: Malfoy never hints that he saw Sirius at the train station.
- Quidditch: there is no quidditch in the movie. none at all. no lifelong ban for Harry and the twins, no confiscation of brooms, no punching of Malfoy. I think even more importantly is the elimination of Ron's role in all this.
- Prefects: no mention of Malfoy, Ron, or Hermione being prefects and Harry being upset. once again, Ron misses any glory he might have had and comes off as comic relief.
- Dobby: nonexistent. Neville finds the Room of Requirement for them.
- Hospital: Mr. Weasley is injured, but no one ever goes to St. Mungo's. see how they worked that into the plot under 'changes'.
- Sirius's mirror: doesn't appear. at all. I remember JK saying that would be important later on, so how are they going to explain that?
- Hogsmeade with Cho: nope!
- Rita Skeeter's article: no mention whatsoever.
- Harry's conversation with Lupin and Sirius about his dad: nope, doesn't happen. see why below.
- Swamp: when the twins make their exit, it's just with the fireworks. there is no swamp.
- Career advice: gone. and too bad! I really wanted to see McGonagall tell Umbridge and Harry that she would make sure he became an Auror.
- Firenze: also nonexistent.
- Hagrid's dismissal: never happens. there's no stunning of McGonagall either, which means Harry tries to contact Sirius through Umbridge's fire even though he could've gone straight to her.
- Department of Mysteries: there are only 2 rooms that we see in the Department of Mysteries - the Hall of Prophecies and the Amphitheatre. so no brains, no time trapped in glass.
- Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe's acting abilities: seriously, they were wooden and awful most of the time. what happened?

Changed
- original Order picture: Sirius gives Harry the picture instead of Moody. why?
- Harry's speeches: during DA meetings, Harry is so encouraging and preachy, it's almost intolerable. if they had just kept the original dialogue, it would've been fine.
- Dumbledore's attitude: Harry thinks Dumbledore is avoiding him in the book. in the movie, Harry does things like shout and run after him and Dumbledore ignores him. nice and subtle, really. the movie is rated PG-13...you would think they'd assume we could infer some things by the age of 13.
- Seamus yelling at Harry: he does it in the common room in front of everyone.
- Occlumency: after Harry sees Mr. Weasley hurt by the snake, Snape IMMEDIATELY gives him Occlumency lessons. that night. Dumbledore says something like, "It may already be too late!"
- Neville's family secret: since they don't see Neville visiting his parents at the hospital, no one knows about his parents. until Neville confesses it to Harry and says, "I'm proud to be their son, but I'm not ready for everyone to know yet." blecccchh.
- Snape's worst memory: Harry gains this not by rebelliously invading the Pensieve, but by managing to practice Legillmency during an Occlumency lesson. there is very little about the 4 boys at all, certainly nothing that would make Harry feel betrayed and awful about his dad. and I never thought I would defend Snape, but c'mon. if Occlumency is so freakin' important, why would Snape cancel lessons because Harry saw a memory with virtually no details whatsoever?
- Cho's friend Marietta: nonexistent, so Cho becomes the snitch. only she doesn't get SNEAK pimples and later they found out that it was only because Umbridge forced her to drink Veritaserum. whaaa? why??
- Umbridge's office: while Harry and Hermione are taking Umbridge into the woods, Ron, Luna, Ginny, and Neville manage to escape from the Slytherins. in the book, they do this by jinxing them, using all the things Harry has been teaching them this whole year. in the movie, they feed them Puking Pastilles. neither in the book nor the movie does this happen on-screen. it's a one line explanation. since the whole point of the book is to show how powerful the kids are getting, why would you change one line of dialogue and make them out to be wimpier?
- Weird misty thing: at the Ministry, suddenly all the adult witches and wizards could be some sort of weird mist and float around. that's...not right.
- "James": while fighting at the Ministry, Harry and Sirius are standing next to each other. Harry sends off an effective Expelliarmus jinx and Sirius says, "Nice one, James!". this filled me with rage. RAGE. I was walking down the street today thinking about it, and realized that my fists were clenched. while there were clues in the book about Sirius essentially thinking of Harry as a replacement for James, I was never under the impression we were supposed to think that he was honestly confused about who was who! how dare you besmirch Sirius in this way! and right before he dies, too. so all you think is, "gee, the crazy man is dead. too bad."
- Sirius's death: instead of being Stunned and then falling through the veil, Bellatrix hits him with Avada Kedavra and then he falls through. I mean, why not? why not just completely change something because you can?
- Daniel Radcliffe: he grew up. that made me think Harry Potter was kind of hot. that's not allowed.

Wanted More!
- Tonks: she was spot on, physically. I just wish she could've been more involved.
- Lupin: sadly, not much of him either.
- Bellatrix: she was wonderfully evil. apparently they filmed a lot more with her than made it into the movie, so hopefully we'll get that on the DVD.

LOVED
- Harry's flight from Privet Drive: I got goosebumps when they were flying over the Thames. it was so good. so good.
- Harry and Sirius: every scene they did together was so heart wrenchingly, bittersweetly wonderful. I got choked up every time.
-Umbridge's office: the kitten plates were absolutely hilarious. I laughed out loud every time they were in her office.
- Harry's angst: man, was he pissy. I loved it, it was just like in the books.
- "I may vomit": Snape's line when he saw Harry's very happy memory of seeing Sirius for the first time when arriving at Grimmauld Place. it didn't exist in the book, but it was very amusing and such a good Snape line that I think JK should consider putting out a revised edition with it in it.
- Ginny: they gave some intense hints about how powerful she's going to be later, which I think will be very, very important. and they did it well.
- Lucius Malfoy: what an evil motherfucker. that guy is a GOOD actor.
- Fight at the Ministry: yes, they changed some things. but I still got goosebumps and a rush of excited relief when the Order burst into the Amphitheatre at the end. I had to remind myself not to cheer out loud. so, so cool.