9 things I hate about everyone

Usually I don't mind getting cheesy forwards. The political ones that my uncle sends just to piss me off? Ok, I mind. But the "Funny things kids say" and "What your cat really thinks of you" usually put a (short-lived) smile on my face.
This one was just ridiculous, though. It's even worse than the "why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?" one.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
I actually like this because I am never prepared for random person to talk to me, and if they are pointing at their wrist, I actuallly know what they are saying to me without having to ask "What?"

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
Yes, because when I watch TV, I put on one channel and would never ever change it or the volume level.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
What good are idioms if they don't make literal sense?

4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
This is just plain stupid. If you looked in many other places first, this makes perfect sense.

5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
I guess they've never sneezed/fallen asleep/wanted to talk about a movie before.

6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
"Can I ask you a question?" doesn't actually mean "Am I physically capable of asking a question of you?", SUNSHINE. It means, "Do you have a moment to listen to and talk with me?"

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
By being improved, it is different. "New", you might say.

8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
I don't know, nonexistence or the afterlife might be, you know, FOREVER.

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?
These people obviously don't wait at bus stops where more than one bus comes.

Seriously, who writes these things? Taking everything everyone said literally never works. And it's not funny to boot.