at the moment, I am gripped with this overwhelming anxiety. I just started researching interior design schools.
for the past 2 years, I have known that this is what I want to do. I'm impatient, itching to start what I hope will be my career. I design and redesign my apartment, either in my head or in actuality, all the time. I do it to other places, too. hotels, restaurants, my parent's house...it doesn't matter. I'll sit and look and think, "would that chair be better over there?" or "what would it do to the space to paint the ceilings something other than white?" or "man, I love crown molding and wainscoting!". I spend hours watching and criticizing HGTV. I agonize over curtains and the depth differences between the accessories on my credenza. this is what I want to do!
then I look at schools. and the lists of classes I need to take. and the things that I will have accomplished by the time I'm done.
perspective drawing? making a portfolio? can I do that? the last time I drew something, it was I <3 JP on a notebook. I've never actually looked at something and tried to replicate it (at least not since 6th grade or so). I have creative talent, but does that translate? a portfolio is a lot more than the decoupage that I've been doing.
and you know what? how many people love to decorate? nearly all of them? oh, that's what I thought. so why I am thinking that I can somehow transfer this into a skill and career?? it's just a freakin' hobby! JP and Will like to play video games, but neither of them ever said, "gee, I should really do this for a living." I would've laughed at them! I've always felt like school was something I could do, but it's very possible that I could suck at this! I could study all the time and memorize everything and STILL not have what it takes. and that totally freaks me out.
what will I do if I flunk out of design school?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
terrified of the future
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2 comments:
This is a totally normal freak-out. Even after a year of school, I still sometimes think, "What am I going to do when I am in front of MY classroom, and there's no one else there!"
And, not everyone does like the decorating stuff as much as you do. I don't even know what wainscoating is!
I thought everyone wanted to be a teacher because I love it so much...guess what, most people think I'm crazy for wanting to spend the rest of my career back in high school!
Freya...take it from me. You have to at least try. I am the poster child for trying. I tried to live in philly and did not like it. I tried going back to school and found out that being a speech pathologist really is not for me. But at least I tried and I won't be hounded in the future with a bajillion what-if's.
Granted, I still have my freak outs and doubts about my decisions, but at least I tried.
It's not easy trying to figure out what the hell a person is supposed to do with themselves. But give it a shot, you may surprise youself.
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